A Breezy Life...

"Look at this photograph..."

2012-02-02T21:22:00.000-05:00

A snapshot of my evening...

It's 9:04pm right now and I am hoping to get to bed by 9:30.

Since I am blogging instead of loading the dishwasher/straightening the living room/folding the laundry/reordering checks/getting some mail for tomorrow together, it's not looking good.

I didn't have much of an appetite today, so I didn't eat enough. Then, after I put PJ to bed, it all caught up and I ate a quarter of a box of Cinnamon Life. Dry. Out of the box. Giant fail.

I watched this piece on ACB.com and wish I was ready to face everything with such bravery.

I have been exercising with some regularity, and while the workouts are getting easier for me to get through, I still detest them. I call the poor, animated woman on the YourSelf Fitness for the X-Box many, many horrible names.

PJ had his usual occupational therapy session this morning, and then another one this afternoon since his therapist some open time and PJ had missed a visit last week. He was cranky for both of them, although he did participate with little trouble. He just wasn't happy about it. Which makes me...tired.

After I blog, I will be on Pinterest, despite my evening To-Do List and my lofty bedtime goals.

...and now I feel a little blechy from consuming said Cinnamon Life.

I think that's my cue.

Good night!

"It's such a funny thing how nothing's funny when it's you..."

2012-01-31T23:29:00.001-05:00

How can it only be Tuesday? The last bits of Tuesday, granted, but still. How can it only be Tuesday?

Today was another freakishly warm January day (weirdest. winter. ever.) and unless you count PJ's alternately cranky/rammy outing at story hour today in which he shotgunned between crying and sprinting about the room stealing other kids snacks, it was pretty normal. Therapy this morning followed by a playdate with friends, the previously-mentioned story hour, dinner, bath and bedtime. My brain was a little more scrambled than usual due to the fact that I haven't been sleeping well.

I think it was that lingering fatigue that made PJ's Story Hour Meltdown seem more discouraging than normal. I don't think his behavior was much more then could be expected from a two-year old who didn't take a nap today (WTF, toddler?) and yet knowing that didn't stop me from letting a bad 40 minutes with my son completely get into my head. With all of the questions surrounding PJ right now (Autistic? Aspergers? Just weird?) it's difficult to discern what's a normal, two-year-old meltdown and what night be something more. And since I'm superduperneurotic, I become convinced that he's superflappyautistic every time he turns down his peas.

I know. I know.

Thankfully, story hour was just a bad half-hour in what wasn't a terrible day. If something is not right with PJ or if everything is "normal" and "fine", the tantrums and little things aren't what define my sweet Boy. He's handsome, happy, smart, funny and sassy and sometimes, I just need to perspective of A Few Hours Later to help me realize it.

What I need even more is some sleep!! So, with that...

Good night!
:-)

"You know it's true that you are blessed and lucky..."

2012-01-30T22:22:00.001-05:00

Oh, the days!

They have been so full! Pete had a nice stretch of time off and it was wonderful! We were able to eat dinner together as a family, spend time with our Boy, and get lots done around our place (although not nearly enough of the latter, of course). He goes back to work tomorrow and I have to admit it's going to be a bummer to send him off.

Our time has been so busy and there are so many things I have to talk about. The first thing is that I need to finish the post about PJ's 2nd birthday and what a wonderful day it was! And since then, PJ's speech delay has become less of a worry although he's still way behind for his age. PJ has a lot of work to do, but he's learning new words and skills every single day and we are so, so proud of our sweet baby boy!

My dad had been out of work since shortly after PJ was born, but last week was offered a job! That was exciting enough, but even more exciting is that he won't have to live away from home during the week as he did with his last few positions. The job is close by so he can commute from home! Today was his first day and I know he feels wonderful about being back to work. He gets it from his mother, my Mom-Mom, who retired in her 80's! I should only have such drive and motivation!

I can't believe we are already nearly done with January. I feel as if I have accomplished so much this month and at the same time can't figure out how I let the month slide by without gaining some control over my goals. Still, it's done now, so all I can do is keep plugging away and hoping for the grace to get by! It's such an emotional time for us as we navigate all of PJ's therapies and hope to see improvements and in all of the overwhelming intensity of it all, it's easy for other things to slip. My friendships, my interests, my housekeeping skills (ahem)... it sometimes feels difficult to keep up.

Still, we keep our nose to the grindstone and our hearts in what's important and hope we break even in the end.

For now? It's bedtime!

Good night.

:-)

"It's like a work of art that never gets to see the light..."

2012-01-18T15:30:00.002-05:00

Oh my! It's 2012!

I was pretty much Miss Delinquent Blogger, 2011- my crown is made of rhinestones and shame. And here we are, already halfway through January and this is the first time I have sat down to write.

Still, I am hoping to correct that this year. Even though very few people actually read my blog (and thanks and pity to those who do, LOL!) it's always been a very cathartic experience for me to write. I enjoy it and it makes me feel good, so it's something I should be doing as part of my Mental Health Maintenance routine! And trust me. I need a LOT of maintenance! I need a Brain Dyson.

Between wrangling a two-year old (birthday post to come, I swear!), managing his therapy schedule (yeah, I'll blog about that, too!), keeping house (...from completely piling up with shit as opposed to just it's usual state of disarray), and expending energy to keep from eating all of the things (I'm a heifer), I find that the time just slips away. Before I know it, the Flyers game is over and I forgot to put the stuff in the washer into the dryer and it's time for bed. Oh, and I'm sure that somewhere in there, I spend some time with my husband.

Right?

What I'm getting that is that I just haven't been able to gather up the brainpower needed to sit down and blog. Instead, the things that I would normally vent here just build up. It's super healthy. Not. So I ~~resolve~~ am going to try and rectify it.

It's not helping that I am finally on Pinterest! Oh. My. Word. What a timesuck! Still, I am having a blast creating a board with ideas for updating PJ's bedroom! I think that Pinterest is going to at once revitalize me and destroy me. Either way, be sure to follow me! ;-)

For now, it's nice that the holidays (though wonderful) are over and that we can get back to our normal routine!

"Ain't about what's waiting on the other side, it's the climb..."

2011-12-28T22:25:00.000-05:00

PJ's new thing has been climbing out of his crib! It came out of nowhere- one day he was rattling the door when I thought he was safe, sound and asleep. After that, he became a climbing machine!

That nerd.

As good as he is at climbing, the constant in and out isn't a good thing. He hasn't fallen or hurt himself at all- in fact, he's pretty stealth! Still, his being hurt isn't something I want to risk, so tonight is his last night in his crib. Tomorrow, Pete and I will convert it to a toddler bed and transition him into sleeping that way. It's time. On Christmas Eve, he climbed out and then couldn't get back in so he fell asleep on the floor! Today, he did the same thing, but instead of the floor, he fell asleep in his rocking chair:

It was actually really. stinking. cute. Nonetheless, it's time, and I have only cried once.

Tonight.

So far.

It's my baby's last night in his crib. {tear}

"Hello, my friend. Hello."

2011-12-21T22:15:00.000-05:00

So. Very. Tired.

It's been a strange few days,

alternately hectic and slow;

heavenly and harrowing.

PJ was sick the week of his birthday

and the week after his party!

Wait. What?

Yup, you read that right!

Peter Joseph had a birthday!

My baby boy is a TWO YEAR OLD!

I have lots to say about that

but it will have to be for another evening.

That sickness I referred to

wreaked havoc with PJ's sleep and

when PJ isn't sleeping

Mama's not sleeping, either!

So, we're a tired bunch here.

Either way, I just wanted to stop by my blog

on this very windy, warm-for-winter evening

to say hello before I head off to bed!

Hello!

And goodnight.

:-)

(that rumble is Dr. Suess rolling in his grave...)

2011-12-09T23:53:00.000-05:00

Oh, The Places You'll Nurse!

(also known as "Dear Dr. Suess, I Am Really, Really Sorry About This!")

Congrats to you, Mama!

Today is your day!

You've got a great bra on!

You're off and away!

You have brains in your mellon.

You have boobs on your chest.

You've made the decision that

Breastmilk is Best!

Just you and your baby

Is how this will go!

Just latch, letdown, lunch

Will be all that you know!

This breastfeeding biz

Will be quite a breeze!

You'll whip out your knockers

Wherever you please!

But that chest-full of boobs

And that melon with brains

May sometimes feel like

Breastfeeding's a strain.

And sometimes it's hard

Things make you say "Fuck!"

Like your nips leaking breastmilk

Or when you're baby won't suck.

When BF-ing, things happen-

And frequently, too!

To ALL breastfeeding mamas!

It isn't just you!

And when things start to happen

Don't worry. Don't stew.

Just go right along.

You'll start happening too!

(Dr. Seuss actually said that part! But he's a smart dude, right?)

Oh, the places you'll nurse!

Oh, the bonding you'll do!

Though you might get some strange looks

And strange comments, too!

I'm sorry to say so

But mama, it's true!

People's boob hang-ups

Just might get to you!

But you won't let it get you!

You'll hold your head high!

You're ready for anything

Under the sky!

Oh, the places you'll nurse!

There is lunch to be fed!

At night- a healthy babe

To tuck into bed!

And the magical things

That your boobies have done!

They nourished a human!

You've totally won!

Sometimes it is hard.

Like when the fumes from the Dreft

Have made you mix up

Your right boob with your left.

When the day seems unending

And you just want to scream

KNOW WE ARE HERE FOR YOU!

No matter how far we seem!

Other mamas can help you!

We're on Facebook and Twitter!

We blog, chat and IM!

So when you feel like a quitter-

DON'T!

We know you can do it!

So, be your name Jen

Or Jenn with two "n's"

And your baby is Chester

or Lucy

or Ben!

WE KNOW YOU CAN DO IT!

TODAY IS YOUR DAY!

Your baby is waiting!

So, get on your way!

**************************************************************

This completely bastardized version of the brilliant Dr. Seuss's "Oh, The Places You'll Go!" was inspired by this weeks Breastfeeding Blog Hop! This week's topic, "Words of Encouragement", means so much to me! When PJ was a newborn, in those first few weeks, breastfeeding was a challenge- a wonderful, crazy, completely worth it challenge! Without the support of some amazing friends, both "In Real Life" and bloggy/Twitter friends I might have felt like I was the only one experiencing aspects of breastfeeding that were sometimes difficult. When it seems tough, use your resources! And you can always find me, on Twitter @briemarisa1977 or by e-mail!

And just in case you forgot...

YOU ARE ONE AMAZING MAMA!!!!!!

"In every heart there is a room..."

2011-11-07T23:26:00.000-05:00

Things have been going by in a blur lately! I can hardly believe it's already November!! For those of you who don't live in my little piece of New Jersey...I wish you did! Our apartment is on a huge park in our town and it is absolutely gorgeous right now!

We have been so busy! PJ has started his therapy sessions and is receiving Occupational Therapy and Developmental Integration once a week, and this week he started Physical Therapy that he will have once every other week. It only adds up to 2-3 hours per week but it somehow seems to fill such a large section of our time.

Therapy started out a little...um, interesting! :-) PJ is once again in the throes of teething (I know, I know. He's the slowest teether ever. We are up to a whopping TWELVE TEETH! WTF?) so he is cranky and in pain off and on. Add to that strangers coming into the house to challenge him and we had a pissy little dude for the first two weeks. My sweet boy has gotten himself together though and we are finding the sessions to be productive and relatively peaceful, which is a wonderful thing! Even better, we are seeing such a positive difference in our boy! He's adding new words in every day, learning new skills, and continuing to be his usual sassy, funny self!

Well, he's not super funny when he's teething. But whatever.

Halloween was a giant picture-taking fail! We headed out to meet the cousins right after PJ's nap and hit the ground running, and somehow I never managed to get a shot of my cute little Super Grover! Pete and I keep meaning to get him back into his costume and re-enact the day because he really was so stinkin' adorable! He did his best to keep up with his big cousins, all of whom were, as always, so sweet and loving with him! PJ is such a lucky boy to have so many amazing young family members to look up to!

And so it goes. We are officially in the tail end of 2011 and as usual, I have no idea how the hell that happened! By the end of this month my baby will be two years old! In each moment in and of itself it seems like time moves at such a leisurely pace until WHAM, it all catches up with you. PJ will only be two but it seems like he has been here forever! I know it's a cliche, nerdy-mom thing to say, but I hardly remember what life was like before he arrived!

For now, the end of another day has arrived. PJ is sleeping soundly and I am ready to follow suit! Yawn.

Good night!

"In those silent, happy seconds that surround the sound of this event..."

2011-10-21T14:38:00.000-04:00

Hop!

I miss breastfeeding. There. I said it.

I have blogged before about all of the emotions I felt when PJ weaned himself at just over 19 months. Those emotions came as a surprise to me- I figured that as much as loved nursing, I would be excited and happy for the freedom that not nursing would bring.

That idea turned out to be only partly true. As PJ grows, I am so excited for each new development even though I may miss the one that is ending. From smooshy newborn lump stage to alert smiling waving stage; from rolling to crawling to walking to running, each day brought something new and special and amazing from my baby boy, and I have loved every. single. second of it!

As each stage ended, I would find myself fleetingly giving it a backwards glance, happy that changes were developing but mourning a bit for the time past. Our babies are only babies for such a short time, how can I not be sad to see the moments fly by! Moving from nursing to not nursing, however, was a different emotional process. It was time with PJ that I cherished, seeing him grow from the nourishment my body provided, having quiet cuddle time for just the two of us. I was proud of my nursling and proud that I nursed him. Six months, a year, a year and a half- the time went on and I never got tired of nursing. I decided at about a year that I would not set a date as to when I would stop and instead, would let PJ self wean.

At 19 months I could see PJ was losing interest in breastfeeding and two weeks later, we stopped for good. His last nursing session was early one summer morning and through my sleepiness, I felt a little ache. The next morning, he bounced right up and heading into the kitchen for breakfast. He wanted a banana and a scrambled egg, but he didn't want to nurse.

PJ will be 23 months next week and so much has changed since that last summer nursing session. I joined the La Leche League, hoping that my positive breastfeeding experience could encourage other mothers. Pete has been at his RN job for a year now, our struggle from his job search almost a thing of the past. We got the news that PJ could be autistic. We are planning PJ's SECOND BIRTHDAY PARTY! Things have turned out differently then I thought they would during that last breastfeeding session.

They are different, but it's all good.

*********************

(this post is part of the Breastfeeding Blog Hop started by my friend Jen over at Life With Levi! Want to participate? then get to tapping on that keyboard and link up, mama! this weeks topics? checking in! where are you in your breastfeeding journey?)

"All down the line, we're gonna open up the throttle, yeah..."

2011-10-17T21:32:00.000-04:00

So, PJ got to do this yesterday-

(please excuse my nerdy, annoying commentary!)

Sometimes, it must be awesome to be a toddler.

"Don't think twice, it's alright..."

2011-10-14T23:10:00.000-04:00

Sooooooooo....

I am actually really, really glad that I got everything out about what's been going on with PJ in my last post. I feel a bit like a weight has been lifted and I didn't expect that- I really didn't want to talk about it at all. But it's out and my heart is full of the loving and encouraging words I have received!

Still, I learned a lesson. I can't blog and watch Parenthood at the same time!! One of the characters on the show is an autistic child, and I was literally sobbing at my keyboard as I wrote about PJ thinking, "And what if Max and Jabar don't make up??? And can he really write an apology note? WAHHHH!!!!!!"

I know that makes no sense if you don't watch the show. I just felt it was important to let you know where my mental status was when I was writing that post. Ahem.

I am still scared and angry and sad and experiencing a trillion emotions. I never knew the power of my feelings until I learned that there might be something wrong with my son. Still, PJ is healthy. He is funny and smart and active and strong! I have heard the stories of so many mama's who have gone through so much worse and I know how blessed I am because my baby is here with me, in whatever package he comes in. And it's just icing on the cake that the package happens to be a handsome blonde one! :-)

I don't expect any of this to be easy, but it'll be okay.

************************************************************************

Handsome dudes at the playground!

Today was a bit more relaxed after a really busy week! PJ had Little Gym and therapy sessions, playdates and visits with family! Pete was home today, so we all enjoyed a cozy morning together before PJ and I headed out for a lunch playdate with some of our favorites! My amazing friend Michelle is the mama of three, and her youngest, Ezra, is PJ's BFF and going to be TWO in less then a month! Ezra and PJ are only 26 days apart and I can't believe they are both going to be two years old! It seems unreal!

In the meantime, we are planning for Halloween and for PJ's 2nd Birthday party! PJ's costume from his first Halloween last year will be pretty hard to beat for me, I LOVED it! Still, we have some fun ideas! I can't believe he's old enough to walk from door to door himself this year! Pete and I are so excited to take him pumpkin picking for the first time! I have the feeling our little wild man is going to love it!

It's getting cold outside after a day that was alternately warm and sunny and dark and rainy! Fall in in her Sybil stage, where the weather changes at the drop of a hat! The park across the street, where Pete and I had our engagement pictures done, is starting to look amazing as the leaves start to change! Tomorrow is supposed to be cool and wonderful, so maybe PJ, my camera, and I will have to have a stroll!

I had better rest up- PJ likes to run! Good night, friends!

"...Amen."

2011-10-09T16:23:00.000-04:00

Double Dozen, Senior Year. I'm the short girl in the middle.

When I was in high school, music was my salvation. Even though I was a fairly happy teenager, I still went through a healthy dose of Normal Teenage Angst mixed with the usual sadness that life can bring- illness, death, heartbreak, etc. I know a lot of people who look back on high school with a mix of bemused nostalgia and slight horror. Bad hair, bad boyfriends, bad jeans. In my case, you can also add bad acne. {shudder} Most people I know wouldn't go back to high school if their life depended on it.

Because I had music in my life, I can look back on high school with a full heart. No matter how hard things could be, there was a 40 minute period where I could sit down with my friends and sing every. single. day. It was like being on a therapists couch. I would walk in with the weight of the world on my shoulders and exhale it all out in an array of notes and song and joy. I remember every note of it, every amazing piece of music that my wonderful high school music teacher brought into my life. My favorite pieces are still with me- an incredible arrangement of "A Nightingale Sang In Berkley Square"; an intricate, dizzy version of "Deck the Halls"; a powerful, gospel-y version of "Bridge Over Troubled Water"; and, of course, "The Hallelujah Chorus" from Handel's Messiah.

I took part in a few choirs, and my favorite was known as The Double Dozen. At the time, it was a select show choir (dancing and singing, very Glee-ish!) and it was my life. Even rehearsals- with my Bostonian music teacher fine-tuning every note and correcting our South Jersey accents in his thick Boston one (oh, the irony!)- were a rush. I think that every human, at some point, has danced and sang. Not everyone gets the chance to perform. It was the only time that my insecure teenage self reached my full potential, I think we all felt like that. The galaxy has an awful lot of blackness, but even the tinniest stars shine, are special.

We ended every show with "The Lord Bless You And Keep You". No dancing, just locked hands and sweet voices wishing our audience and each other peace. And really, isn't that what everyone needs more then anything? No matter what religion, everyone searches for a greater being to lift them up. It's a song that is as much a part of me as my kidneys, my eyes, my heart. The deep, strong bass, the warm tenor, the comforting alto and the lilting soprano, all distinct layers and still creating a beautiful sound. I find the last notes drifting out of my mouth before I even realized I was singing. When I need to be happy, I sing this song.

I couldn't find a version of my high school group singing "The Lord Bless..." but I did find this lovely version on YouTube. I hope it gives you peace today.

"And it would knock me to the floor if I wasn't there already..."

2011-10-07T23:53:00.000-04:00

It's FALL! It's fall and I am so happy to see it!

The weather has been amazing, and life has been crazy! It seems kind of appropriate- along with the change of season comes a season of change. My thoughts have been swirling around in my head and I have longed to just sit down and blog it out, but often, I just don't know where to start.

Fall in and of itself has played a big part in keeping me afloat! The weather has been breezy and beautiful, with each day bringing just a little more crispy-ness and color. The leaves are starting to change and the days suddenly become so much shorter! Walks are taken, playgrounds are conquered, errands are run and everyone stays comfortable! And the truest sign that fall is here?

My Uggs are out! :-)

We have continued PJ's classes at The Little Gym and he is slowly getting better with participating the the group warm-up activities at the start of the class! This past Wednesday he did all of the exercises, but he sulked and cried until it was free time! Then, of course, he was full of smiles, laughs and energy as he climbed, swung, jumped and balanced! The tantrum-y behavior is still driving me nuts, but hopefully he will continue to improve! And despite the fact that the start of the class is a bit of a struggle, there are still plenty of moments that make me so proud! He loves to play with the kids in his class, uses the balance beam like a champ, and climbs like a squirrel!

And now that the Phillie's have officially ended their season, it's time for me to go to bed! This was a "nothing" post but at least I shook the bloggy cobwebs off!

Good night!

"Help! I need somebody!"

2011-09-20T23:19:00.004-04:00

So.

We signed PJ up for classes at The Little Gym! He's always loved group activities such as story hour and swim lessons, so this seemed like a perfect fit for our active little dude! There are things to climb, rings to swing on, balance beams to conquer, and big piles of squishy, giant block things to scale! He love, love, loves it!

Here's the problem. His class is geared towards children 19 months to three years, so there are a few structured activities at the start- a welcome song, a warm-up, and a short group physical activity. In all of his other activities and classes, PJ has loved being a part of the group. He sat still for stories and blew bubbles on command. I don't know if it's the lure of the balance beam reaching in to his little heart, but when we tried to sit down together to begin the group activities?

PJ completely lost his marbles.

Seriously. It was a tantrum of the ages. The class sang the welcome song? PJ howled. The class started to run for warm up? PJ still howled, and tried to run and climb. Even when the "coach" brought out wooden sticks - and my son loveloveLOVES to drum on things!- he had a Complete System Meltdown when I tried to bring him over to join in the activity. It was one of the things where the other mamas give you That Look. That Look is sympathy mixed with relief that it's someone else's kid going postal. Back in my days as a nanny, I was the master of That Look.

It has only been one class, so I am not ready to give up. But I have to admit- I felt frustrated and completely helpless to the intensity of PJ's tantrum. He is not a tantrumy kid, so I don't know what happened. Still, I am hoping to give myself some tools to help him get through it and be able to enjoy the class completely. We have been practicing the welcome song so he will recognize it as his next class. Beyond that, I have no other ideas in my arsenal.

So, I am asking all of you wise mamas, nannys, babysitters, and elder siblings.

Any ideas?

"You've got this look I can't describe, you make me feel I'm alive..."

2011-08-29T16:08:00.000-04:00

It is an amazingly beautiful Monday, and except for the down trees, fallen branches, damp, post-flooded basement and the swamp in our backyard you would never know Hurricane Irene came blowing through here this past weekend!

That bitch.

Although the storm wasn't quite as terrible as predicted, there was still a trail of destruction left in her wake. Our basement was flooded (although it wasn't as deep as the nearly three feet my sister-in-law's basement got!) but thankfully, I was able to get out PJ's baby stuff and his Pack n' Play before they were destroyed. We didn't lose power like so many of my friends did, but the storm was still really scary. The wind blew and the rain poured and the alarms from friggin' tornado warnings every six stinking seconds blared all night! And to think, just three days before, we were enjoying amazing weather and the excitement of an east coast earthquake. Mother Nature has just been full of laughs these past few days.

Still, before she unleashed her wrath upon us all, Pete had a stretch of three days off and along with the gorgeous weather we enjoyed a lot of family time together! Pete has a work schedule that is equal parts sucktastic and equal parts awesome (he works nights, and it's hard to work, get enough sleep, and spend time with us, but he also has a six-day-off stretch once a month. So it's a wash.) so when he has time off we try to spend as much time together as possible. For the first half of last week, each evening was more beautiful then the next, so after dinner, we went outside to soak it in!

We played catch...

And ran races...

We blew bubbles...

Lots of bubbles...

We ran towards the sun...

We stretched our shadows...

Spending time with my sweet, beautiful little family filled my heart with the same kind of light that was shining through the trees those evenings- the soft, warm, glow kind that makes everything look amazing! I never imagined playing catch outside of our home after supper could be so wonderful. I did the same thing every night when I was a kid! Back then, those nights were fun, but now? Now that I'm a mama?

It's beautiful.

"Baby, you're a firework, c'mon let your colors burst..."

2011-08-16T23:06:00.000-04:00

Today is my Mom-Mom's birthday!

When my sister and I were very young, Mom-Mom managed to convince Marla she was 29 years old. It started when Marla was three or four and every year on her birthday, Mom-Mom turned 29 until one year Marla finally told her "Hey! You're gonna be 30 this year!"

Marla's always been a little gullible like that.

It's been more then two years since Mom-mom has been gone, and I miss her every. single. day. Sometimes, I see her face so clearly in PJ's that it makes my heart stop. I watch my beautiful boy grow and think about how wonderful it would have been to see her enjoy him. She would have loved his energy and his appetite and of course, his blonde hair! It was the bane of Mom-Mom's existence when I gave up being a bottle blonde.

By now, everyone knows the story of the last time I saw my Mom-Mom alive.We talked about how much she wanted Pete and I to start a family and I insisted that we would be waiting at least a few more months, not knowing that I was pregnant already with PJ. I will always know that he was her gift to me.

I hope that PJ gets all of her best qualities. Mom-Mom was hard-working, loyal, and smart. She was funny and touch and giving and proud. She was tiny, but held herself like she was a thousand feet tall. She was widowed relatively young and held a job, kept her home, and had a life. Through it all, her skin was amazing, her hair was coiffed, and her nails were perfect. She was beautiful.

I can't wait until PJ is old enough to hear stories of Mom-Mom. I hope he always, somehow, feels connected to her because in my heart, she left off where he began.

Happy birthday, Mom-Mom! Thank you for being my son's guardian angel. I love you!

"If you're feeling certain feelings that just don't seem right, treat those pesky feelings like a reading light..."

2011-08-15T23:34:00.000-04:00

Oh, friends.

I know I have been an terrible blogger. Completely MIA.

I'll explain a little something about myself. I love to be there for my friends and the people I love. I can listen to problems long into the night, and if I don't have anything helpful to say (I usually don't have anything helpful to say) I just try to be there in whatever way I can. I like to help. It makes me happy. It, somehow, fills a need of my own.

When I need help...well, I just need. I'm not talking about little things like if I need someone to watch PJ for a bit or I want to borrow a pair of shoes (hi, Marla!). I can bug someone to find out what to use to clean my acrylic tub or ask for couponing advice (hi, Michelle!). But if there is something that is truly weighing my heart down, something really on my mind, I just click everything off. I don't talk about it and I usually avoid anyone who might lull me into feeling comfortable enough to spill my guts. Which is pretty much everyone I love. Pete hears a lot of it, mainly because I can't escape his concern since I live with him and all. I used to even blog about what was heavy on my heart because it was super passive-aggressive. It was a way to get everything out without having to actually face everybody.

It's just that lately, I sit down to blog and I just...have...nothing. And it's not to say that it hasn't been a fabulous summer. We have swam and vacationed and played and walked. The days, thought friggin' hot, have been full of friends and family and fun. And PJ...oh, that baby boy of mine! He eats like a horse and climbs like a squirrel and makes me smile every. single. day. He's so funny and sweet and energetic and even when I'm down, I know what a blessing he is to me!

Look at this face. That's the face of a blessing.

He loves to sit in the bottom drawer.

The things that are on my mind...I'm not drowning. I am fully riding the waves, seeing all the beautiful things around me. I just can't seem to open up.

Hopefully, I'll be back to my regularly scheduled programing soon.

Goodnight, loves.

"Just let me get my head right- where the hell am I?"

2011-07-23T23:14:00.001-04:00

Welcome to

A Bunch of Random Thoughts Because It's

Too Friggin' Hot Outside To Really Concentrate On Any One Topic!

{cue game show-type music}

Seriously. My brain is fried.

PJ and I had been cooped up for two day because it was just too hot to take him outside. We finally ventured out today for some time with friends and then a trip to the (very crowded) mall to get a birthday gift! Nothing to really write home about blog-wise, but it's what went down.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Amy Winehouse was found dead today. I am a huge, huge fan of her music and think that Back to Black was brilliant, but the fact is that we've all been watching her die for years. It wasn't a shock at all, just a huge disappointment. I used to say that it made me so angry that God allowed Amy Winehouse to live when she was trying so hard to die and had my brother-in-law Greg die when he was trying to hard to live. Now that she's passed, it doesn't feel like the playing field is leveled at all. It just seems like a gigantic fucking waste all across the board.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I went to a La Leche League meeting for the first time this past Monday! I know, dumb, right, since my son has weaned himself (sob!). But, I figured that since I had such an amazingly positive breastfeeding experience that maybe I could be a support system to other moms. The meeting was great! The women were all warm and funny and I found that I had something to offer with my story and even though my son is not nursing anymore, still had things to learn! I'm looking forward to going to more meetings and becoming more involved!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pete and I really need to go on a date. Weddings do not count (and we've only been to two of those since PJ has been born anyway!). We need to go out simply to be together and for no other reason. We haven't done that since before PJ was born and we are way overdue. I am still not very good with leaving PJ with someone that's not myself or Pete (I hardly ever do) but for the sake of my marriage I need to get over it. It doesn't have to be often, but it does need to happen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's late and I am sleepy. It's time for bed.

"What have you done for me lately?"

2011-07-22T22:26:00.000-04:00

Grab your sports bra and hop, hop, hop!

It's the Breastfeeding Blog Hop!

Whee!

You can get all the details on how to join in by visiting Jen at Life With Levi! While you're at it, take come time to check out her fun mama blog!

This weeks topic is...

The Benefits of Breastfeeding

_______________________________________________________

We all talked a few weeks ago about the changes in your body that breastfeeding brings. There were a few pluses (no periods, weight loss) in a long litany of minuses (saggy boobs, sore nipples).

All of that aside, we've all heard it: Breast is Best. While I don't think that formula feeding makes a woman less of a mother or gives her child less of a shot then a mother who does breastfeed, it was indeed the right thing for us and for a number of reasons.

"Waahh! I haz no boobeez!"

In all honesty, the number one reason we wanted to breastfeed is because it's free. FREE! We weren't laying out money for formula or bottles except for a few I kept for pumping. Until PJ was almost 6 months he ate for free! FREE! When PJ was born, Pete had been looking for a nursing job for months and wouldn't find one for months after that. If we had needed to formula feed we would have made it work, but thankfully, PJ and I both took well to breastfeeding and likely saved $700-$1000 dollars doing so!

For PJ, the benefits were plentiful! Breast milk provided him with nutrients and antibodies and helped him to fight illness (via womanshealth.com). Breastfeeding has been found to reduce incidence of ear infection and can be easier on baby's teeny little tummy then formula. Even when it seems like your milk hasn't come in and your boobs are useless, there's colostrum, baby!!!! It's all chock-full-o-goodness for your brand-new babes tiny digestive parts! Breastfeeding your child can even reduce chances of SIDS.

SpongePete SquareBaby

Breastfeeding was the perfect fit for PJ and I. He went from a very tiny, fragile, jaundiced newborn (born 2.5 weeks early at a hefty 6 lbs even) to being strong, healthy, and so chunky he was practically square! Except for a brief bout of congestion he wasn't sick once during his entire first year (of course, he saved his first real illness for his 1st birthday party, but whatev!)!

For me, the benefits were amazing. It made me feel so alive, so useful to be able to provide nutrition for my son. Nursing was time that was just for us and allowed me to sit down and relax whenever he needed to eat! Breastfeeding even forced me to take better care of myself, making sure I drank enough water and ate enough healthy foods! I didn't have to fuss with mixing formula or cleaning bottles, all I had to do when PJ was hungry was whip out a boob. Heck, that's pretty much how I got pregnant in the first place! (Har, har.) I didn't need to pack anything special in my diaper bag as long as my bra was packin'! (Double har. Okay. No more boob jokes)

Studies have shown that breastfeeding can reduce the risk of postpartum depression, ovarian cancer, diabetes, and breast cancer, the last being extremely important to me as my family has a complex history of breast cancer. Back to work? Pump away, because breastfeeding mamas miss less work thanks to those healthy babies having fun at daycare! Want to be a green mama? Boobies don't result in any waste, don't need water to clean them (well, extra water, since I assume you shower), and don't need to use any energy to warm them- it's served right off the tap!

Do you want even more resources to help you learn more about the benefits of breastfeeding? Click here to be taken to the US Department of Health and Human Services Office on Women's Health to find tons of information!

Got something to say about the benefits of breastfeeding?

LINK UP!

"I've gone to look for America..."

2011-07-20T16:30:00.003-04:00

Handsome.

Happy.

Patriotic.

PJ and I at the Oaklyn 4th of July Parade, watching Pete march with the fire department! PJ loved the parade and had so much fun even though it was superduperhot!

"It's you and me in the summetime..."

2011-07-19T22:19:00.000-04:00

Ugh.

It. Is. Friggin'. Hot.

It's super hot, so of course my poor PJ is super melty! The kid just can not hang with the heat, so he's been a bit out of sorts, even in the air conditioning. There's been a lot of Emergency Blue's Clues up in here, that's all I'm sayin'!

We finally got around to joining the neighborhood pool, so that offers us a cool way to get some of PJ's energy out! He loves the water and he loves running around the (very large, lovely) grounds! My cousin-in-law Jen and her brood are also members, so we have family to spend time with while he splash! Jen and the kids will soon be off to her husbands next assignment in N. Carolina (he a high-ranking officer in the Army) so it is wonderful to have some time with her and the kids.

The summer is almost halfway over, and it's gone by so fast! It's been so much fun being able to do so much with PJ- trips to the shore and the Pocanos, afternoons at the pool, story hours and music circles, playdates with friends and time with family. I know it's not likely he'll remember any of it, so I just hope he's having a good time and is happy in each moment! Even when he's throwing a tantrum!

For now, I'm off to bed- we had a busy day and this mama is tired! :-)

How has your summer been so far????

"It's all happening at the zoo..."

2011-07-13T23:02:00.000-04:00

It's all happening at the zoo.

I do believe it...

I do believe it's true.

"Waves crash, baby don't look back..."

2011-07-12T22:43:00.001-04:00

Pete just came off a seventeen-day long vacation, which is partially the reason I have been on a blog-cation. Having Pete home for so long was such a treat that blogging just wasn't a priority! He's gone back to work and we are back in our "normal routine" around here, which is both good and bad. Good because it's easier on PJ when we're following our usual timetables, and bad because we got back to Pete sleeping during the day and working at night. Bah.

Eager to do things with PJ during Pete's time off we headed to Margate for some time down the shore! (For those of you not from NJ, the phrase "down the shore" is the proper way to express going "to the beach".) Margate is a really nice area, between Ocean City and Atlantic City, filled with fun bars, surf shops, and home to Lucy the Elephant!

Daddy buried him in the sand! He loved it!

On our first full day we were joined by some of our favorite friends and their very excited littles! Within a half hour of their arrival at the house we were headed to the beach! PJ clearly remembered the ocean from his first visit because as soon as he had the water in his sights he took off to dip his toes in! His buddy Ezra...not so much. That handsome little dude, upon feeling the waves on his feet, promptly ran back to his stroller and climbed in! (Hi. Lar. I. Ous!) Despite the differences in opinion about the ocean, all of the kids had a great time splashing, digging, catching (sand crabs!), screeching and laughing! It was a perfect beach day...for someone with a translucent child like I have! The sky was overcast and the air was warm, so there was no searing sun to directly penetrate the NINETY GAZILLION layers of sunscreen I put on PJ. I forgot to put sunscreen on myself and burned. Fail.

We packed up and headed back to the shore house for some lunch and after everyone ate, the most amazing thing happened. Every. Single. Kid. Took. A. Nap. It was kind of the most awesome thing that's ever happened. The kids snoozed and the grown ups had a relaxing afternoon together, chatting and enjoying the quiet! After a pizza party for dinner, our friends headed home. Pete, PJ and I walked around the corner to Rita's Water Ice for some dessert. PJ got his very own ice cream cone and messily devoured the entire thing! We headed back home and after we bathed our sandy, ice-cream-y son, we tucked him into bed after his first full day at Margate!

yum!

PJ slept like a rock that night (yay!) and the next morning it was back to the beach for more fun! After his nap, we headed to the boardwalk in Ocean City! PJ's not really at an age yet where we can just grab a few slices of pizza and grab a bench to sit and eat, so we found a sit-down place to have dinner. It was delicious and once our bellies were full, we headed to Wonderland Pier so PJ could enjoy his first boardwalk ride!

There are not a lot of rides that are safe/appropriate for a 19-month-old, so we settled on the merry-go-round. We saddled PJ up on a magical carousel horse and began our ride. The music played and the horses whirled and PJ loved it! He bounced and laughed and screeched with joy and his expression was priceless! The look on his face will be in my heart forever! It was so exciting to see PJ embark on a tradition that was also a part of my and Pete's childhood- the magic and excitement of the boardwalk!

Look. At. That. Face.

On the morning of our fourth day, PJ was starting to show signs of wear and tear! He was tired and a little cranky and had an "I miss my bed" vibe. It was time to go home. So off we went.

It was a wonderful mini-vacation and such fun to see PJ really enjoy the shore and the Margate home his family shares. We are so, so lucky to have such an asset to our family, a place for all of us to enjoy and make/share memories! Seeing PJ splash in the ocean and dig in the sand and sleep soundly at night meant to much to Pete and I. We don't want PJ to be spoiled, but we do want him to have as much magic as possible, even if just for a little while!

"Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead..."

2011-07-11T22:47:00.000-04:00

Things...

Things I am

...generous

...stubborn

...moody

...talkative

Things I am not

...patient

...religious

...fit

...neat

Things I love

...my son

...my husband

...my family

...my friends

Things I do not love

...when PJ gets a shot

...the Matrix trilogy

...bad drivers

...mean people

Things I like to eat

...enchiladas

...pancakes

...bagels and lox

...fried matzo

Things I do not like to eat

...tomato

...mushrooms

...lamb

...Quiznos

Things I have

...an amazing, wonderful son

...a patient, knowing husband

...an apartment in an awesome part of town

...many, many flip flops

Things I still want

...a house

...to be organized and neat

...to have better balance to my marriage

...to be a better me

Things I want to do tomorrow

...get PJ's bloodwork done

...wash our bedsheets

make our grocery list

...keep PJ cool and entertained on a hot day

Things I want to do in a year

...get pregnant

...make a career change

...buy a home

...become anew

Things I wished for and received

...my son

...good friends

...my husband

...my family and friends

Things I keep wishing for

...motivation

...beauty

...patience

...a maid

<---- Tell me a few things about you ---->

"Oh, you gonna let it all hang out?"

2011-07-08T15:16:00.000-04:00

It's the Breastfeeding Blog Hop!

Whee!

You can get all the details on how to join in by visiting Jen at Life With Levi! While you're at it, take come time to check out her fun mama blog!

This weeks topic is...

Breastfeeding Body Changes

__________________________________________________________

When my son PJ was born and I began my journey into breastfeeding, I didn't take into consideration the changes, if any, that I would see in my own body. I just wanted to get this kid fed! I figured fleetingly that I would nurse for a year, lose 20 lbs within a month from all those calories I would burn, and still have firm, perky breastestes!

Oh, did you hear that thud? That was me. Falling back to earth.

Breastfeeding is kind of a big deal. Your body is producing a substance that keeps another human being alive! It's much more complex then when my body is firing synapses to absorb this weeks episode of Gossip Girl. With all of that body complexity, it's to be expected that there will be body change.

I nursed my son for 19 months- in fact, we have fully weaned and he's no longer nursing as of two days ago (waaaaaahhhhh!!!!). In that time, the size and shape of my breasts changed dramatically! Pre-pregnancy, I was a relatively average C cup, with very little change during the pregnancy itself. When PJ was born and my milk came in -WHAM!- I grew some BIG OL' TITTAYS! They. Were. Huge. And they were hard! They were super sore and just full of weirdness in general. Thankfully, as PJ and I got into a groove with nursing, all of the weirdness settled down. My breasts were soft to the touch again and they didn't hurt.

My breasts have certainly lost some of their pre-pregnancy fullness and firmness. My tummy is also softer and my feet got wider. Things change when you have a baby- I don't know how Michelle Duggar hasn't completely fallen apart (have I ever mentioned that I lovelovelove the Duggars? Seriously.)! I guess it's because that when these changes come with your own child, it's not such a biggie. The outward changes in my body (although I could be much more fit) don't bother me in the slightest.

Inside, my body went through changes, too. My period returned quickly, when PJ was only 3 months old and still exclusively nursing (WTF!!!). I was NOT happy about that change, since I truly loved not getting my period, but come it did and there was little I could do except be thankful it didn't affect my supply. Pre-pregnancy my menstrual cycle was ridiculously regular- every 28 days by the clock! Since it's triumphant return, it's been a bit less regular, sometimes coming early, sometimes a day or two late. I have less cramping with my periods which is wonderful, but also feel a little more cranky then I used to, so I guess it's a wash. With PJ being fully weaned now (waaaaahhhh!!!!) I wonder if there will be more changes as my body gets used to not producing breast milk again.

Right now, the biggest change is in my little mama brain and my giant mama heart as I deal with PJ being weaned! It's been an emotional time for me. I know that much of that is brought on by the weaning itself and that it's physical, but I truly enjoyed nursing my son. It was the only thing in the world that only I could do for him, and it was a promise of some Mama/PJ time, every single day for just over 19 months. PJ weaned himself, he had truly lost interest in nursing, and it's both exciting to see my son become such a big, independent boy and sad to really say goodbye to PJ the infant.

Sore boobs, squirting milk accidents, bigger feet, smooshy fun bags- I'll take it all! It's my breastfeeding badge of honor!

__________________________________________________________________________________

Want to take part in the Breastfeeding Blog Hop?

LINK UP!! LINK UP, I SAY!!!

"Now something on the surface it stings..."

2011-06-09T00:02:00.000-04:00

I was perusing Facebook and watching Game 3 of the Stanley Cup Finals tonight when I noticed a status update from a friend of mine. She was offering up prayers for her best friend. I had met Stephanie when I was a bridesmaid and she was the Maid of Honor in my friend Mandy's wedding. She was hugely pregnant at the time but dove into her duties with gusto, despite her burgeoning belly! Since then, we have kept in touch on Facebook, just the occasional "Hey, how are you" or comments on status updates about our kids (she has two, a 4 year old and a 2 year old who was in her belly when I met her).

When I saw Mandy's status, I clicked back through Steph's page and found out that she had gone into the hospital for pain related to kidney stones and a few days later was given a diagnosis of breast cancer after a lumpectomy. Tomorrow, she's having a mastectomy.

Fucking breast cancer. This girl is thirty-one fucking years old.

It's one of those things that's hitting me like a ton of bricks for the strangest of reasons. Steph and I are not close- we merely share a common friend and are friendly towards each other. It's just the situation in general. She's a thirty-one year old mother of young children, married to her college sweetheart and recently made the decision to become a stay-at-home-mom. She's super-sassy and really funny and extra- talkative. She is seriously, truly, the last person that I would ever imagine battling this. It's the ridiculous thing ever. It makes me angry to see this happen to such a young woman. It makes me sad to think of her babies tomorrow, being scared. It makes me upset to think of a young mom like that being in pain. It makes me crazy to think of how her husband is managing all of this. It makes me feel guilty to know what horrible, pathetic care I've been taking of my own body and still being cancer-free. It makes me stab-y, as a woman, to know that preventative care for breast cancer has been threatened. And it fucking pisses me off that this is happening to someone I know.

I know this is a total stream-of-consciousness/careening-runaway-train-of-thought post that very likely is making no sense and is annoying people with my liberal use of the F-word. All I can ask tonight of you, my amazing, wonderful bloggy friends, is to promise, promise, pinky-swear to me that you will take good care of yourselves to put up the best fight possible against stupid things like cancer. Offer up some prayers, even for a fleeting second, for Stephanie's surgery tomorrow and her return to good health. Pray to make it easier to understand when stupid things like this happen.

"Sunny days, sweeping the clouds away..."

2011-06-05T22:56:00.001-04:00

Ahhhh...

The weather has been absolutely amazing these past few days!

Warm, sunny days and cool, lovely nights

that are perfect for sleeping!

There has been a lot of outdoor activity for my sweet PJ!

Walks with his mama,

Playground playdates with good friends,

Swinging on the swing at his Bubbe and Zayda's house,

Playing on Nan and Pop's porch!

It's the type of weather I dream about!

But, it is fleeting- the weather is supposed to get superduperhot by mid-week

and it will be indoors-only for me

since my baby Boy just Can't. Handle. The. Heat.

It pretty much turns him into a melty pile of miserable.

(He gets that from his Daddy)

Pete has a three day stretch of work ahead (boo)

and will be done just in time for the heat to set in.

And when it does, I will position both of my heat-sensitive boys

squarely in front of the A/C and wrack my brain

for ways to keep my kept-cool-but-cooped-up baby amused.

Fun times.

Still, today is Sunday and it won't be hot 'till Wednesday

which gives me two more days to

enjoy the loveliness!

Goodnight!

:-)

"...and it's our God-forsaken right to be loved, loved, loved, loved, loved..."

2011-05-29T23:55:00.001-04:00

What wonderful times we have been having!

I feel like the past few days are trying to make up for every sucky day I have ever had! It's been a steady stream of fun, friends, and family! Even though Pete is on a three day stretch at work (which includes Memorial Day. Fail.) we are lucky enough to have places to go and people to see!

Babies in the pool!

The day after our beach trip, my sweet friend Michelle came by with her littles for an impromptu pool party! I sent Pete out that morning and an hour and $25 bucks later, we had a baby pool blown up and filled, water toys to play with, and a fun sprinkler spouting water for the kids to run through! PJ alternated between splashing and screeching with his friends and hopping out of the pool to run to the front yard! It was warm enough to be in the pool but not so warm that we were dying of heatstroke! The mama's got to chat and after we had the kids dried off and dressed, we all came back in to enjoy a delicious lunch together! It was a great morning and we got it all done before naptime! :-)

Clockwise from me (top center) Shelly, Riley,
PJ, Emilia and Sarah

Saturday was one of my favorite days of the year, May Day! May Day is a huge festival held in our town every year! It takes up a long stretch of the main road and features tons of food, music, and shopping! There's a kiddie section with rides and a petting zoo! We met up with my sister-in-law Shelly, her three gals and some friends and quickly got deep into browsing the vendors and drinking root beer! The girls even tried out hula hoops! It was a hot day, so I kept my son, Paley Mc Pale Skin, thoroughly glazed with sunscreen and made sure he had lots of water! Despite all of our preventative measures though, the kids had it after about two hours and starting melting down, so we left the fair and had lunch at Friendly's! The kids enjoyed the food and we all enjoyed the air conditioning! After that, naptime!! Of course, it totally stunk that Pete had to miss the fair (he was asleep because he had to work that night)- we have gone every year together since we were married. Which is only twice so far but still. We missed him, but we had a great time with some of our favorite gals!

My niece Emi hooping it up!

Today was a quiet morning with my family! Pete got home from work and spent some time with us before he went to sleep. After he was tucked in, PJ and I headed out to run a few errands. I wanted to find him a pair of those swim shoes and I was successful! I also happened to find him a pair of sandals and a pair of Phillies shirts. And a hat. But they were an accident. They fell into the cart. :-P

After my melty baby had an air-conditioned nap, we had more visitors! My cousin Matt came by with his awesome wife Colleen and their gorgeous, smooshy, smiley baby Braelyn! Little Miss B had grown sooooooo much since I saw her last! She's all smiles and coos and happiness and I could have smooshed her cheeks all night! At one point, Colleen was nursing her and PJ kept going over and gently patting Braelyn on the head! Cutest. Thing. Ever! Matt and I grew up together- we are a week apart in age and have reached the majority of our milestones together, so it's so much fun to be first-time parents together! Our littles are almost exactly a year apart and I hope they can grow up to be as close as Matt and I are!

I mean, how could he resist this face????

Quit kissing the screen.

It's been such a wonderful time- pearl beads on the string of this year! I am hoping that I can keep this streak going and give PJ an amazing summer!

"My toes just touch the water..."

2011-05-28T21:58:00.000-04:00

What do you do when you're back at home,

miles from the ocean?

You improvise.

"We spotted the ocean..."

2011-05-26T22:27:00.000-04:00

Best. Day. EV-AH!

(That's "ever" for those of you that don't understand my phonetic emphasis for dramatic appeal.)

Pete's work schedule has been insane these past two weeks and PJ and I really haven't see very much of him. He has to work for the entire Memorial Day weekend, so we decided to make the most of his day off today and take PJ to the beach for the first time!

We got to Ocean City and headed right to the boardwalk- this of course, was easy since it was a weekday morning! Parking was no problem at all and the boardwalk was busy but not mobbed. PJ hit the boards running! He loved walking along, looking in shops, imitating the sea gulls (when they screeched, he called back, LOL!) and stoping to examine the nails holding the boards together!

Still, it was nothing compared to PJ's first dip into the ocean! We weren't sure how he would take it, since he can sometimes be sensitive to noise and cold. The ocean, of course, was loud and freezing! But he stomped right across the sand to the waters edge, and when the first wave hit his toes he laughed with happiness!

He loved it! Pete and I were so excited! Taking our son to see the ocean for the very first time was a really big deal to me, and PJ's obvious happiness made the day even better! He was awesome from start to finish and it all just reminded me again of how freakin' lucky I am to be his mama!

He is also a gigantic ball of energy, and aside from napping in his carseat to and from the shore, he was a moving, bouncing, giggling, screeching, eating, walking ball of enegry all day! He wore this mama out!

So, with that, I will say...

Goodnight!!

"But it was Saturday night, I guess that makes it alright..."

2011-05-21T22:35:00.000-04:00

It's Saturday night.

PJ is sleeping soundly.

Pete is at a bachelor party for one of his oldest friends.

He worked the past three nights in a row, so this is night four without him.

Without my boys to keep me company, I'm lonely tonight.

I'm also cranky.

(I think the only thing raptured was my good mood)

Even after a yummy dinner with my favorite Shelly

and my favorite Shelly's girls (minus one)

I am feeling

annoyed.

Disgruntled.

Out-of-sorts.

I let myself be suckered and it annoys the holy hell out of me.

I hate that I can be talked down from what I thought was

a solid decision

with just a few well-placed words from another.

Grrrrrr.

But, now it's done and a new plan is in place and I will face it happily!

And all of that aside, it's the end of my first week as one of the SparkPeople.

Careful planning about what I am going to eat is made easy via this website

and planning is the key to my success in healthy eating.

Off-the-cuff eating is no good for me.

It's how I end up eating Swiss Rolls and rot beer for dinner.

There will be no more of that.

My fat will be vanquished.

But for now?

I sleep.

Goodnight.

"There I go, tun the page..."

2011-05-19T23:06:00.000-04:00

There is another reason I haven't been blogging lately. It's also the reason my apartment is a mess, the laundry isn't done, and my time when PJ is napping or asleep for the night has been hijacked.

This is the reason:

Pete and PJ gave me a Nook for Mother's Day! I had always been anti-Nook. I am an avid reader and for me, books are like air, like water, like food. I need books. My (very) large collection of books make me happy! They are all in amazing condition- we do not dog-ear pages, misplace dust covers, or use anything for a bookmark besides a slip of paper. I can walk around Barnes and Noble for hours perusing volumes. Nothing makes me happier then a stack of books. So how could I enjoy a little electronic tablet?

Turns out? I could. It took me all of about 6 seconds to start drinking that Kool-Aid! It's been in my hands pretty much every second PJ is in his crib! Since Mother's Day, I have read:

The Kid: What Happened When My Boyfriend and I Decided To Get Pregnant by Dan Savage
The entire Anne of Green Gables series (7 books) by Lucy Maud Montgomery
Bossypants by Tina Fey
Two Kisses for Maddy by Matt Logelin
My Fair Lazy by Jenn Lancaster

I have created a wishlist that would allow me to buy a book a week for the next four years before I completed it (you know, theoretically. If I had that kind of money to blow.). I can read in the dark. One afternoon, PJ snuggled next to me on the couch for a nap, and I could snuggle my sweet boy while I read with one hand! How awesome is that??? And if we ever travel, I can pretty much bring all of my books with me! On our honeymoon, I packed two books to read, and I finished one of them on the plane ride there. Now, I can just order a new book with the touch of a finger!

oohhhhhhhh, yeeeeeeah.

So, that's my new addiction. I've gone from a regular old book nerd to a tech nerd/book nerd. And I'm proud of it! :-)

Off to bed!

Goodnight!

"There's a fire starting in my heart, reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark..."

2011-05-18T23:13:00.000-04:00

It's been a long time for my blog and I.

In my blogging history, I have stretches of non-blogging, where I can go for a long time without sitting down to clear my head. It can start with simply being too tired to blog for a night or two, but I find that the longer I go without writing down my thoughts, the less I have to say as time goes by. It's not that I'm at a loss for material; I'm not writing a novel here, I just write about my day-to-day life. It's the writing in and of itself that takes practice and when I let it fall out of habit, I get rusty.

I joined a website called SparkPeople.com in an effort to gain some control of my weight and health (both topics for another post, but in short, they are terrible). It is an awesome site if you are wanting to join a weight loss program but can't afford something like Weight Watchers. It's free! Along with monitoring your eating habits and exercise, it also helps you create other goals for yourself and keep track of how you meet them. One of my goals? To blog/journal at least three times a week.

Of course, when I'm in a blogging groove, that's no sweat. It's important to me to keep up this journal- not only as an outlet for the things that are on my mind but also to record the events of my life. So bear with me while I try to remember how to do this!

For now? It's bedtime.

Goodnight!

"...and I'm like 'Fk you' and, uh, 'Fk her, too'..."

2011-04-27T00:14:00.000-04:00

I truly apologize for being such a lazy blogger for so many days! It figures I am spurned by my annoyance at PSEG (our provider for gas and electric) to finally come back, but ARRGGH!!! I'm so annoyed!

Our gas meter is in our basement, behind a locked basement door. If the meter reader can't get to it, we get what is called an "estimated bill" in which PSEG takes a stab at how much gas they think we used and charges us for that guestimate. Guestimates suck because when the meter finally does get read, if they have been guessing low you owe them for the difference. We have told PSEG several times to have the meter person knock on the door so we can let him in for an accurate reading. If we're not there, we live in a building with several others who could give access to the meter. 99% of the time, there's someone in this house that's home.

So, with that explanation, I'm sure you won't be shocked to learn that I opened up a FOUR HUNDRED DOLLAR PSEG BILL TODAY!!! Turns out, our meter hasn't been read since OCTOBER! Pete was outside a few days ago and happened upon the meter reader and let him in. Hopefully, I won't see him anytime soon, because his (her?) inability to walk six feet to ring a bell has resulted in us owing hundreds of dollars to PSEG. If the meter had been read, it would have come to about $20 extra bucks per bill, which is no big deal. But being hit with it all at once is going to be murder on our budget and I am pissed.

Grrrrr....

That aside, it's been pretty quiet here in Breezy World. We had a lovely Easter despite the extremely-warm weather! (Pics to come!) The kids all had a blast during the family Easter egg hunt, there was a ton of delicious food, and the Flyers won in OT! PJ look insanely handsome and I managed to enjoy myself even though I was tired and groggy from staying up all night reading The Help (a-MAAAAAY-zing!). I hadn't read anything new in months and I devoured it! It was so beautifully written, honest and sharp. Would that I could write half as well!

And now it's a Tuesday night, the Flyers won Game 7 against the Buffalo Sabres to go on to Round 2 of the NHL playoffs, and all is right with the world! And me?

It's time to go to sleep.

Goodnight! :-)

"So raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways..."

2011-04-19T00:08:00.000-04:00

Aw, look! I found my blog!

My blog was lost for a bit. Between fighting the lighter version of the plague that's consumed my nieces and nephews, a few sleepless nights due to teething, playoff hockey, and just a general feeling of having nothing to say, my poor blog has been neglected.

I'm back now, though, and while I still don't really have anything groundbreaking to say, I am glad to be blogging again!

Here's what's been going down-

My poor baby boy is teething in full-swing! After going almost a year without any teeth at all, he has the top 4 coming in plus a molar coming in all at once! He's cranky and restless and may damn well chew off his fingers in his attempts to soothe his discomfort! I feel so bad for my sweet Boy-Boy! I am hoping this phase goes by quickly!
My dad is doing well recovering from his heart attack! He's a little bored because he's still on "light duty" (no working out, no long trips, etc.) but he's feeling great and had a very good follow-up from the cardiologist!
My mom, PJ and I went to the outlets in Atlantic City the other day to do some spring shopping for the Boy! Thanks to my mom, PJ has a full wardrobe! PJ also got to have his first lunch in a "fancy" place and was wonderfully behaved! It was a really, really nice afternoon and I was thankful for the time with my mom and for the great clothes we picked up for PJ!
April showers are in full force in these here parts! I actually love when it rains (as long as I don't have to go out!)! I have been enjoying quiet days with my sweet baby boy and my husband, staying cozy inside! I especially love when it's warm enough to have the windows open on a rainy day to let that spring-y, rain-y smell fill the apartment. That's pretty much heaven!
Pete and I are really attempting to create a budget and savings plan and stick to it, although it's likely we will kill each other before we save for a house! Two Tauruses + trying to make a plan = two people who both think they are right! Bad, bad math! I am even more Taurus-y then Pete is so I especially tend to get stubborn and angry when things don't go my way. For the sake of PJ and our future, I am trying to be cooperative. Trying. It's hard for me. (ahembigbrat)
Speaking of saving money, I have been literally dreaming of having our own home. I have house fever, which can only be outdone by my baby fever. Yup. I have that, too! The older PJ gets the more I think of how amazing he will be as a big brother! I will have to wait for both since we're not in a position to have either right now. Feh.
And, it's my bedtime! I need to grab some sleep while I can! What have all of you been doing these past weeks? Fill me in!

Goodnight! ;-)

"You know you looking at a winner, winner, winner!"

2011-04-07T20:48:00.001-04:00

Ugh. This day was a complete fail! I haven't been feeling very well and it's making keeping up with the day-to-day stuff kind of difficult! I want to make sure that PJ has all of what little energy I have right now, so it's a bit of a mess in here and I am a bit behind on things.

For example...

PICKING THE WINNER FOR

MY FIRST EVER GIVEAWAY!!!!

WHEEEEE!!!

So, there were 12 entries in all!

Off I headed to random.org to let them pick me a winner!!

DRUMROLL PLEASE!!!!!

drumdrumdrumdrumdrumdrumdrumdrumdrumdrumdrumdrumdrumdrumdrumdrumdrumdrum

drumdrumdrumdrumdrumdrumdrumdrumdrumdrumdrumdrum

YAY!!! Shannon is our winner! I am so excited! Shannon, look for your Bebe au Lait nursing cover and bag of Wint-O-Green LifeSavers in the mail in the coming days (hopefully next week, I have to hop on out to pick up your cover and then into the mail it goes!)!!!

Thanks, everyone, so much for entering! It was a small giveaway but so much fun for me! Hopefully, we can do it again soon!!!

"Your love is better then chocolate..."

2011-04-03T21:01:00.000-04:00

So, yeah. I love him.

"Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend..."

2011-04-02T23:35:00.000-04:00

It's been busy times for us in our little household! Friends and family coming to visit, a celebration of a 1st birthday for a sweet baby boy, and tomorrow, some time with my mom, my bestie, and some longtime family friends!

It's good times, people. Good times.

I have been back on my kick of keeping things clean, neat and orderly around here. And I'll tell ya, it's a full time job! Still, even though I hardly ever feel like cleaning, it's a good feeling to see things all fancy-nancy! The only problem? We are friggin' slobs! I am constantly in motion picking up shoes, putting away toys, sweeping up peas/puffs/noodles/other random foodstuffs, doing dishes, doing laundry, and folding clothing! But it is making me strangely happy to do so, and by keeping up with things, my list of chores never gets overwhelming. It's all grown-up stuff in these here parts. Go figure.

Tonight we celebrated the first birthday of a sweet baby boy who is 1 year old! Pete's cousin Greg and his wife Julie had friends and family on hand to celebrate their son Ryan! Pete and Greg are only a few months apart in age and now, their sons are! Greg and Julie live a few hours a so we don't away so we don't get to see them often enough, so it was a treat to have such a wonderful excuse to see them!

Tomorrow brings more fun, so it's time for me to head to sleep!!! I wish you all the most wonderful of nights!

(or, maybe not right to bed, since Papa Elton is hosting SNL tonight! )

Oh. And also? This horrible, horrible song has been stuck in my head, so now I'm sharing it with you. You're welcome.

"Honesty is hardly ever heard..."

2011-03-31T08:40:00.000-04:00

It’s Week 13 of the BFing Blog Hop!

Topic: Fertility and Sex

Share your experiences, feelings, or concerns about how breastfeeding affects fertility or your sexual relationship with your partner.

New to blog hops? You might want to check out: "How To Blog Hop"

Hosts:

Life With Levi

The Slacker Mom & Diary Of A Devil Dog Wife

This Week’s Guest Host:

A Breezy Life

Want to participate?

Here's what you need to do:

Link up a post! Find a post on your blog related to this week's topic. You can write a new post, or use a past post. (Be sure to use the URL for your linky entry, NOT your blog homepage. You may link up as many posts as you’d like, as long as they all relate to this week’s topic.
Follow the blog hop hosts via GFC in spots 1-4 below. (We always follow back!) Spot #4 will always feature a guest host chosen from participants in the previous week’s blog hop.

Optional:

Share the linky by adding the code to the bottom of your post, along with these guidelines. (You can grab the linky code by clicking
the "Get Code Here" link in the lower right corner of the Linky box below)
Check out some of the other blogs that linked up – the more
blogs you follow (and comment on), the more followers you’ll gain.
Grab the Breastfeeding Blog Hop button below and display
it on your sidebar or in your post.

This linky will be open two days - Thursday, 03/31 & Friday, 04/01.

**************************************************************************

Wow. We have two pretty heady topics here. I didn't think I would have very much to say. Turns out, I did.

The topic of fertility has always been a tricky one between my husband and I. When we were married, I was 31, and although we didn't plan on trying to have children until we had been married for a year, I was worried that the closer I got to 35, the more difficult it would be for us to start a family.

Of course, anyone who reads this blog knows that we were married less then 10 months when we became pregnant with our son Peter. Needless to say, we were surprised, but after the intital shock wore off, we were ecstatic! Now, PJ is 16 months old, I will be 34 in May, and we are thinking of trying for another baby at the end of this year. Despite our ~~accidental~~ surprise conception of PJ, I can't help but wonder if it will be just as easy when we are actually trying for another baby. Right now, I am not prepared to let that fear rush our decision to have another child. Still, it's often on my mind, despite the fact that I am healthy, my cycle is still very regular, and there is no real reason to think that I won't be able to conceive.

Although I have yet to set an actual plan as to when I am going to wean PJ, I think it's highly unlikely that I will still be nursing him when Pete and I try for baby number two. Breastfeeding or not, however, I don't think nursing would cause any obstacles in conceiving. My cycle returned very early, when PJ was just three months old, despite the fact that he was exclusively breastfeeding. At the time, I was totally annoyed (oh, I lovedlovedloved not getting my period while I was pregnant! It was wonderful!) but now that I am starting to see the glimmer of another baby in my eyes, I am happy that my body returned to "normal" with ease!

For the time being, or at least for the next couple of months, we aren't thinking about another baby and, instead, are enjoying having PJ as the center of our lives! We are both completely in love with our son, and sometimes, it makes it hard to focus on each other as husband and wife. Especially in my case, as I sometimes find it hard take off my Mommy hat to put on my wife one (or take it off, har har...). As a stay-at-home-mom, my focus is on caring for my son and tending full time to our home. Being PJ's mother is the most amazing this I have ever experienced and I find everything else coming in a distant second...and this includes being a wife. When my husband (finally was lucky enough to have) found a nursing job and began working nights, we started to live on completely separate schedules. He needs to sleep during the day and is working when I'm in bed and when he's off, his inner clock is still thrown off. It makes it difficult at best to focus on us as a couple and after the privilege of being PJ's mama all day, well...sometimes it's hard for me to find the motivation to try.

I don't think it is because of breastfeeding that it can be hard to connect in a "marital" way with my husband (although in the early days of nursing, there was a lot of "Jesus, don't touch them, are you out of your mind??? Those bitches are killing me!"). Nursing in and of itself was extremely important in our method of parenting, but it wasn't a barrier between us. It was more the all-encompassing pull of parenthood and, in particular for me, being a mother. I have thrown myself so fully into it that it can be very difficult to make room for anything else.

It is something that I need to work on for sure. It is possible to be a great mother, a great wife, and a great me without one thing taking away from the other. Finding a well-rounded me can only help the people around me. Breastfeeding, mothering, tending to our home, being a wife- those are all only compnents that make up a whole, and it's possible to give to all of those components freely and still have them be equal in importance. It's all a learning experience, part of this crazy journey that we're all on, and I wouldn't want it to be any other way!

How lucky we all are to have this forum as a means to support and encourage each other!

"And he's watching us all in the eye of the tiger..."

2011-03-29T23:54:00.000-04:00

So, this happened.

Pete and I took PJ to a favorite spot of ours, the Garden State Discovery Museum. It's a huge building filled with kid-friendly, interactive exhibits the includes a mini-Philadelphia Flyers ice hockey rink, a newsroom with a working camera, news desk, and a blue-screen weather report station, a construction site where little builders can help build a house, and many other fun stations! There is even a special, gated-in area for toddlers and crawlers to explore!

We were in this area following PJ as he raced from the playhouse to the two-story barn to the ball pit! Since the area is specifically for smaller children, we can usually allow PJ to race about to his hearts content while we trail close behind him. For the most part, even if there is an older child hanging out while a younger sibling gets a turn to play, parents and caretakers make sure the tenor of the room matches the needs of the toddlers.

An older child was playing in this area. He was running around in circles- down the slide, through the room, up the stairs and back down the slide. The woman who he came in with was sitting disinterestedly on a bench, not watching. Coming of the slide, the kid lept up and began to race away and ran smack into PJ, knocking him to the ground. The kid kept running without missing a beat and PJ, scared to death, started to cry. He was fine, just scared. Accidents happen, no big deal. Still, as the caretaker of the older child, do you

A. apologize and take your child to an area more appropriate for someone his age?

B. Stay, but remind your child gently that this is really an area for younger children and that he should slow down a bit? Or

C. Ignore your still-racing child, the crying baby, and the annoyed parents of the crying baby and stare into space like nothing is happening?

The adult with the child chose option C, which kind of blew my mind. I wasn't upset so much about PJ being knocked over. The place is teeming with kids and accidents are bound to happen. I just don't understand when people do not watch the children in their care. The kid in question was a lot bigger then PJ and was going at full-tilt when he ran into him. There was a huge museum with areas appropriate for a kid his age- he should not have been there in the first place. Still, knowing the adult he was with had at the very least reminded him to be careful of the babies and not run would have made me feel a little better.

I understand that there are many different styles of parenting/child care. What do you think? What would you have done in our place? What would you have done if you were the parent of the older child?

Discuss.

.

.

"That's just the way it is..."

2011-03-28T12:49:00.000-04:00

A Whole Lot of Random

There ~~is only 15 minutes left and then this weekend will be over~~ were only 15 minutes left of the weekend when I started this blog post, but then PJ woke up and needed his mama. For hours. Yawn. I am now going to edit this post so it makes sense for a Monday morning.

This weekend was a cold one! I don't know why I'm always amazed by the way the winter tried to hold on, because it does that Every. Single. Year. We have a week or so of sunshiney, warm, water-ice type of weather and then BAM! Friggin' snow flurries. I hate it.

Pete ~~just~~ left on a fire call while I was blogging. Bah.

I did some grocery shopping with my oldest-bestest ~~tonight~~ last night. We were long, long overdue for some Brie-Randi time. Randi went back to work a few months ago after being home for almost two years following a lay-off. She's a very competent, capable woman and it's exciting to see her back in the workforce, but it means I see her much, much less. So we had a great time ~~tonight~~, wandering around Wegmans while we gabbed and shopped.

My son turned 16 months ~~yesterday~~ on Saturday. Sixteen months old!!! How the hell did that happen??

It was really, really exciting for me to be a guest blogger at the Cloth Diaper Geek! Despite the barrage of verbal diarrhea you get from this blog, I really enjoy writing (especially about things I love like cloth diapers!) and it was fun for me to have the opportunity to share in a new forum! (By the way, Jen and Jenn, I love you two so much for leaving such nice comments!!!)

I. Will. Finish. Cleaning. Our. Bedroom. THIS. WEEK. Seriously.

My dad continues to be well as he recovers from his ("minor") heart attack. His follow-up went very well and soon enough he'll be back to playing baseball and going to his calculus class!

Some things PJ think are delicious: mangos, chicken, meatballs

Some other things PJ thinks are delicious: plastic hangers, my hair, his socks

Pete and I have a mile-long To-Do list that I am really hoping we can put a dent in before he goes back to work on Wednesday night. It starts with getting our taxes done (finally!) ~~tomorrow~~ today. I am really keeping my fingers crossed for a halfway decent refund. That year that it took Pete to find a nursing job took a huge chunk of (and by huge chunk I mean "all of") our savings. A good return would help use build some of that back up.

Coffee and toast is pretty much the perfect breakfast for a Monday morning. Especially when you are finishing a Sunday Night blog post.

Hope your week is a wonderful one, friends!!!

"The sun will rise, the long day is over..."

2011-03-25T22:54:00.001-04:00

I was lucky enough to have the opportunity to be a guest blogger for Julie over at the Cloth Diaper Geek ! It was so much fun to do this and "speaking" with Julie was great! She's super nice and you should all go check out her blog, and my post! It's all about starting a cloth diaper stash when you're poor like me! :-)

Yesterday was a long, tiring, frustrating day. It's always hard when Pete goes back to work after his long break and I found myself missing him a lot. He works night, so not only do I miss him when he's actually at work, but also during the day when he's sleeping off his shift. It sucks, sucks, sucks, and I try to be as patient as possible because A. Pete loves his job and actually likes working nights and B. after NOT having a job for so long it's hard to hold a grudge!

That was a catalyst for my bla-ness, and adding to that is PJ being in full-swing teething mode. My sweet, sunny boy is completely out-of-sorts, and I know it's adding to how I am feeling. PJ is so uncomfortable, it's just pathetic. He's not napping well, and I think he may be bumping his mouth in his sleep because for three days in a row, he's woken up from his nap in a complete state of meltdown and it takes him a long time to return to something close to normal.

So yeah. It's all getting to me a bit.

Hopefully, it will get better because Pete switched shifts with a co-worker who needed to make a schedule change. It worked out because now he will have four more days off! During his time off we got a ton done around the apartment, so I am looking forward to this extra time to finish things up and also get a few other tasks done, like having our taxes done and cleaning out our (super-gross) cars.

For now, I am done with this onslought of whinny blogging and will wish you all...

...goodnight! :-)

"I'm gonna let him fly...."

2011-03-24T20:34:00.000-04:00

It’s Week 12 of the Breastfeeding Blog Hop

Topic: Weaning

Share your thoughts about weaning – experiences, fears, advice

(New to blog hops? Check out: “How To Blog Hop”)

Hosts:

Life With Levi

The Slacker Mom & Diary Of A Devil Dog Wife

This Week’s Guest Host:

Darcy and Brian's Tales From the Nursery

Want to participate?
Here’s what you need to do:

1.Follow the blog hop hosts via GFC in spots 1-4 below. (We always follow back!) Spot #4 features a guest host chosen from participants in the previous week’s blog hop.

2.Link up a post! Find a post on your blog related to this week’s topic – Weaning. You can write a new post, or use a past post. (Be sure to use the URL for your linky entry, NOT your blog homepage. You may link up as many posts as you’d like, as long as they all relate to this week’s topic.

Optional:

■Share the linky by adding the code to the bottom of your post, along with these guidelines. (You can grab the linky code by clicking

the “Get Code Here” link in the lower right corner of the Linky box below)

■Check out some of the other blogs that linked up – the more

blogs you follow (and comment on), the more followers you’ll gain.

■Grab the Breastfeeding Blog Hop button below and display

it on your sidebar or in your post.

This linky will be open two days – Thursday, 03/24 & Friday, 03/25.

********************************************************************************************

So when it comes to the topic of weaning my son PJ, this is pretty much my attitude thus far:

In case you missed it, that's a cat covering it's ears. Add in me going "Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala...I can't heeeeeeeeaaar yoooooooooouuuu..." and you have any conversation my husband and I have had about weaning PJ thus far. Verbatim.

PJ will be 16 months old by the end of this week. I've mentioned before that my original goal was to nurse him for a year and then see where we stood. A year and then some has passed and while PJ is not nursing at the same frequency he was, we still nurse about 3-4 times a day. On occasion though, there's been times he's just not interested, and I get the feeling that he will soon start to self-wean in ernest.

Although we set a vague date to wean PJ at 18 months, I am inclined to let him wean on his own completely. PJ sets his own demands for when and how long he wants to nurse and really, he always has. I breastfed on demand from the beginning so it's something we are all used to. In my little mama's heart, I am not ready to take the initiative to start the weaning process, so it seems to be a better fit for both of us to let PJ lead the way. For me, I feel like I don't want to take the option to nurse away from PJ before he's ready.

The thought of weaning PJ is very hard for me. For nearly 16 months we have nursed every single day. It's time that is only for PJ and I- nobody else can share him with me when he is nursing. He is my first baby and when he is weaned, that will be it. It will be the first chapter of our lives together that will come to a permanent close. I had never dreamed that nursing my son would be such an emotional journey. He might be ready to wean soon...

...but his mama isn't!

"G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S..."

2011-03-23T23:54:00.000-04:00

Every single morning, after PJ and I have our breakfast, we retire to the living room. While PJ plays with his toys and runs off the energy he stored up sleeping all night, I sip my coffee and watch The Today Show. My watching partners have changed over time, but the routine has been the same for as long as I can remember.

So this was the scene when we learned that Elizabeth Taylor had passed away. Celebrities die every single year- how else would that montage they run at the Oscars always have a time slot? Still, the flash of violet across my television screen and the news that she was gone made my heart ache a little.

When I was younger, I adored Elizabeth Taylor. Of course I had seen National Velvet, and knew of her colorful lifestyle. To me, she was a movie star of the highest caliber- not a bombshell in a hot, Bridgette Bardot sense, but stunning in a way that made you think God was just a teeny bit unfair to the rest of us. Everyone is born with a nose, two eyes, lips and cheekbones. But her face. It was perfection.

Her stunning beauty aside, I was enamored with the glamour of Elizabeth Taylor. Those red lips against her dark, dark hair and perfect skin. The beautiful figure swathed in amazing clothes, and the fingers dripping with diamonds. It all seemed so effortless and easy. I didn't know anyone in real life who could even come close to measuring up to her glamour.

Or maybe I did...

Mom-Mom and Pop-Pop at Club Harlem in Atlantic City

It's been two years since my Mom-Mom has been gone, and I miss her every single day. She showed us how to be giving, to be hard-working, to be opinionated and to stand up for ourselves. Mom-Mom taught us to save some money from each paycheck and to moisturize our skin every night.

Mom-Mom taught us that, for a very few, that effortless glamor really does exist.

"So we're okay, we're fine..."

2011-03-21T00:28:00.000-04:00

Just a quick hello to say that my father is home from the hospital! He's feeling just fine and looks great considering that two days ago, there was a big wire thing in his heart! He is feeling a little freaked out that he has to carry around nitroglycerin and he was mad that he had to miss a few days of the advanced calculus class he's taking.

Yup. I said calculus. He's taking it for fun. I kid you not. He also plays on a baseball team. He's a funny guy.

And I'm really, really happy and thankful that he's home, he's happy, and he's fine.

"It's the heart that really matters in the end..."

2011-03-18T22:04:00.000-04:00

It's been a very, very, very long week here for my little family!

The best part of the week was that the weather became progressively nicer as each day went by! Today we enjoyed it at its pinnacle- 75 degree weather; perfect for playgrounds, open windows, and maybe just a long-sleeved tee shirt! It was rainy for a few of those days, but that rain just means that springtime is a'comin'!

And not soon enough.

We danced to our mutual favorite song, Tiny Dancer
by Elton John, at my wedding.

The hard part of my week was that my father had a heart attack. My mother called me on Wednesday to let me know that he had some chest pains and that they were getting them checked out. Initial testing put him in the clear, but then very late that night came word that the second round of testing showed that he did, indeed, have a heart attack. Our local hospital arranged for him to be transferred to a bigger-yet-still-local hospital for a cardiac catheterization Thursday morning. The procedure was performed on Thursday afternoon and the news was really as good as it could be. He did have a very, very small blockage that was removed with ease. His other major arteries were completely clear and it did not look like there was any permanent damage to his heart. It's not working at full capacity yet but some rest, followed by a return to exercise and a careful diet, will get it back in fighting shape.

The good news is that even though he did have a heart attack, my dad didn't ignore the pain. He got it checked out and now the blockage is gone. If he had ignored it, that "small" heart attack could have been followed later by one that was much worse and able to do more damage. His procedure was painless and quick, and he is feeling great! It all could have been much, much worse then it was and believe me. We are counting every last damn one of our lucky stars!

Still, it was really scary. Really fucking scary. My dad is in amazing shape (he's in WAY better shape then I am and that's not an exaggeration!) but he's not a young man, he will be 70 on his next birthday. Heart disease run in the family and it's what, ultimately, took our amazing Mom-Mom from us almost two years ago. By the time she was my father's age, Mom-Mom had already had a quadruple bypass. Her son has fared much better. But his heart attack suddenly made it very real that my father is aging. His mother died of massive heart failure at the age of 87. That wouldn't even get my father to PJ's college graduation. Which is pretty much unacceptable.

Being faced with the mortality of someone you love is a difficult thing. Yes, we are all born and we all die. This is life's constant truth and one that isn't likely to change. For now thought, in the face of mortality, I am going to give thanks in every way I know how that it's not my fathers time just yet.

He does, after all, have a grandkid he needs to enjoy!

:-)

Goodnight, friends!

"Ticking away the moments..."

2011-03-13T22:19:00.000-04:00

How To Beat Your Child At The Daylight Savings

"I Am Going To Mess Up My Sleep Patterns For Two Weeks Over An Hour Change On The Clock"

Game!

Step One:

Get up in the morning per usual on the morning of daylight savings.

Step Two:

Take your child to a birthday party at a local children's play-gym.

Step Three:

Watch with enjoyment as your child climbs/hops/rolls/jumps/swings/wiggles/giggles.

Step Four:

Repeat Step Three as much as humanly possible of the course of an hour.

Step Five:

Place comatose child in bed at standard bedtime.

And there you have it!

"This is what you need, I'll give you what you need..."

2011-03-11T22:09:00.004-05:00

It’s Week 10 of the Breastfeeding Blog Hop

Topic: Breastfeeding Products

Share your thoughts on products designed for breastfeeding moms. (Products that helped, ones that didn’t work out, must-haves, waste-of-money, etc…)

(New to blog hops? Check out: “How To Blog Hop”)

Hosts:

Life With Levi

The Slacker Mom & Diary Of A Devil Dog Wife

This Week’s Guest Host:

Breastfeeding Arts

Want to participate in this week’s blog hop?

Here’s what you need to do:

1.Find a post on your blog related to this week’s topic – Breastfeeding Products. You can write a new post, or use a past post. Current giveaways for Breastfeeding Products may be linked so long as they are current and you include “Giveaway” in your linky entry.

2.Link up your post. (Be sure to use the URL for your post, not your blog homepage). Have more than one post you want to add? Go ahead and link them all!

3.Add the linky code to the bottom of your post, then copy/paste these guidelines above the linky.

Optional:

Show your hosts some love – follow them on GFC. Leave a comment that you found them through the BFing Blog Hop so they can follow you back!

Check out some of the other blogs that linked up – the more blogs you follow (and comment on), the more followers you’ll gain.

Grab the Breastfeeding Blog Hop button below and display it on your sidebar or in your post.

Each week a Guest Host will be chosen by Random.org from the participants in the previous week’s blog hop.

This linky will be open two days – Thursday, 03/10 & Friday, 03/11.

******************************************************************************

Boobie Swag!!!

I adore gabbing about all things baby gear and all things breastfeeding! Stuff is just fun, and while I can't tell you what will be perfect for you, I can share the things that were (and still are!) invaluable to me!

1. My Breast Friend Nursing Pillow- Oh, I love, love, love the My Breast Friend! For me, it blew the Boppy right out of the water! I loved that it strapped all the way around and provided awesome lower back support! PJ had plenty of room to lie and nurse, and the pillow was right under my breasts which kept me from slouching! The pillow was firm and sturdy, it didn't slip away from my body and PJ didn't roll towards or away from me! The cover was easy to whip off and wash and had a little pocket to hold breast pads, wipes, burp cloths, my cell phone/iPod, and so on!

2. Playtex Nursing Bras- I had horrible luck with nursing bras, mostly because I simply couldn't afford to shell out $50+ for a good, quality one! Then Playtex and the Crossing Outlets stepped in and saved the day! The bra is affordable anyway at around $27 bucks, which isn't too shabby anyway. Still, if you can find a good deal, go for it! I was able to get two bras for $16 each plus a third bra for $1 at the outlets! I got the bra in both under wire and wire-free and I love them both! No, they aren't as cute as Victoria's Secret, but they work!

3. Medela Pump-In-Style Breast Pump- Unlike my good friend Jen and a lot of other working mama's I know, I have not been a big pumper. I used mine mainly to keep a small supply on hand in the freezer and to pump if I was going to be away from my son. When I do need it, the pump works amazingly well, and wasn't too hard on my lady lumps! It pumped quickly and efficiently and even has a setting to help stimulate let down.

4. Bebe au Lait Nursing cover- I had tried just throwing a blanket over my shoulder to cover PJ and myself when I had to nurse, but I just wasn't coordinated enough to manage PJ and my own clothing without the cover slipping off. Enter the Bebe au Lait! It has a strap to go around your neck to keep the cover in place, has a ring to hold the cover away from your body so you can glance down and easily see your baby, and was large enough to cover everything, even when PJ was a squirmy worm! They come in loads of gorgeous patterns- I even found one to match my diaper bag! I could throw it in the wash with PJ's laundry and it came out perfect every time! It even has terry cloth corners to wipe errant breast milk from little chins or even the occasional rouge Mama booger ( Not that that happened to me. Ahem. )! It can just scrunch up and get tossed into your diaper bag and takes up minimal space!

5. Wint-O-Green Life Savers- Um, whaa? Why am I talking about candy? Well, it's because nursing makes you thirsty, and sometimes, being thirsty makes your mouth taste like ass. Yup. Ass. Sometimes there just wasn't enough water in the world for me, and of course there was the problem of not having enough hands to manage PJ, my clothes, my nursing cover, etc. Or worse, I has already sat down to nurse and there wasn't anybody around for me to ~~boss around~~ ask nicely for a glass of water. A handful of individually-wrapped Wint-O-Green's in my My Breast Friend pocket ( See? I told you that came in handy!) and I was good to go until PJ was done eating or I could order a nice, cold glass of aqua from the hubs!

There are loads of other things, from having a stool to put under your feet while you nurse to having cabbage leaves to put on sore hooters! I am sure that all of the mamas in this weeks hop have some item that's an exclusive favorite of theirs! The fun is to read the entries and see what these mamas have in common and also, what new things they have to recommend!

In fact, all of this talk about stuff has made me decide to have

MY FIRST GIVEAWAY!!! WHEEE!!!

I will be giving away a Bebe au Lait Nursing Cover and a bag of Wint-O-Green Life Savers for a breastfeeding mama out there that can use them!

To enter, leave a comment on this post telling me your top three color choices for your nursing cover, and the name of the little one you will be covering up! I will choose a winner with random.org ! For an extra entry, follow me on Twitter OR follow this blog and mention that in your comment! I will choose a winner on Thursday, April 7th (making Wednesday, April 6th the last day you can enter!), which will also be the first Breastfeeding Blog Hop for that month! Ooooooo!!!

FUN FUN FUN!!! I'm so excited!!!!!! So make me go all squealy and enter, enter, enter!!!

Disclosure: So, since I am kind of a blogging nobody, it should come as no surprise that I am NOT being sponsored or compensated by Bebe au Lait or Wrigley's Life Savers. They do not know or care who I am and are not affiliated in any way with this blog or this giveaway. I will be purchasing said items with my own money from our local Buy Buy Baby store. While I think that store is full of awesomeness, the feeling is not reciprocated and Buy Buy Baby also is not in any way affiliated with this blog or with this giveaway! Entries will be numbered in order of receipt, and if that person also follows me on Twitter or on my blog, they will be also be the next consecutive number after the original comment. This will be the extra entry you can earn by also following me on Twitter/my blog. Do you have a headache yet? No? Awesome!! Let's do this thing!

"If your time to you is worth saving..."

2011-03-10T22:25:00.000-05:00

This blog is brought to you tonight by My Husband Pete, who is nice enough to let me use his computer to blog despite the fact that I gave mine Ebola. Mind you, I am ONLY allowed to blog. No Twitter, e-mail, Perez, NHL.com, or online shopping. In other words, no fun.

I am very lucky to have a Certified Computer Geek in the family, my awesome brother-in-law Steve, who swooped in to pick up my laptop and rid it of its horrible ailment (and somehow managing to keep my files, pictures, and music while doing so. Awe. Some.)! And I shouldn't call him a geek, since his vast computer knowledge allows he and my sister to live in a home much larger then I will ever own! :-)

It has been a very quiet week here. Between my allergies and the terrible weather, we have been hanging out at home quite a bit. It's miserable out right now, but I am hoping for a break in the weather so we can get out for a bit tomorrow morning! The beginning of March is pretty much the worst, but at least all of the weather madness means there are better days ahead! Last spring and summer, we would take PJ for a walk almost every night after dinner. It's exciting to think that those days will be here again soon-and this time, all three of us can walk if we want!

So this is kind of a boring blog post, but it's what we've been up to! Tomorrow, when I have my computer back, I'll be able to post as part of the Breastfeeding Blog Hop, which I enjoy! In the meantime, I hope everyone is nice and warm inside and having a great night!

"AIDS, AIDS, AIDS! Everybody has AIDS!"

2011-03-10T01:08:00.000-05:00

I had to use that song from "Team America- World Police" because I couldn't find a song with the word "Ebola" in it. For the record, even though I have the sense of humor of an extremely profane 6 year old boy, I hated "Team America". Mainly because I think marionettes are friggin' creepy.

Anyway, you may wonder why I was looking for a song about a deadly disease to use as my post quote. The reason would be that my trusty laptop has what appears to be the computer version of MRSA or Ebola or some other such virus. The machine has completely lost its mind and now I am blogging from my (as yet unscathed) iPod.

Tedious? Oh, yes. Yes, it is.

My computer issues managed to push me over the edge from slightly crabby to insanely miserable. Still, I managed to not drown my sorrows in Girl Scout Cookies and, instead, used my angry energy to clean the bathroom! The result is that we still have cookies in the house and out bathroom no longer looks like you would catch e-coli if you took a whiz in our crapper.

It's win-win.

But since blogging from my iPod is pretty much a big pain the the ass I'm thinking it's time to say...

Good night!!

Good night!

"These are the days when you wish your bed was already made..."

2011-03-07T21:39:00.000-05:00

Blegh.

I am totally cranky today. I admit it. I fully have the Monday's. Well, that and a horrible case of allergies! It was hard to keep up with my little Bug-a-Boo today with my nose all stuffy and my head all cloudy! Thankfully, PJ was obliging enough to take a good nap this afternoon so I could also indulge in one!

I had been looking forward to Pete having a few days off, but it looks he might be offered some overtime, so it might be a while before he has any extended time off- at least a week and a half! Boo. Still, I just try to remember that the extra money will be good for our bank account and that when he does have time off, it's for a few days at the time and makes his long work stretches worth it!

My sister started a new position today in the Cardiac ICU! It's been her dream job and she was very happy to see this day come! She said the day was hectic and crazy and exciting and that it went very well! I'm pretty much ridiculously proud of her!

That's pretty much it for today- super-exciting, right? I know it's these shining moments when I come to my blog to bitch about my allergies that keep you all reading, right? :-)

At any rate, how was your Monday? I hope it was great!!

OH! We do have news! PJ has two more teeth coming in! That will bring us to a whopping FIVE TEETH!!! Exciting stuff! ;-)

Good night!!

"Right now..."

2011-03-06T14:48:00.000-05:00

Right now....

...the Flyers are getting their asses whooped on national television against a team I hate with a passion. It's not making me happy.

...PJ is resisting his afternoon nap as hard as he can! Yipes!

...Pete is sleeping off his shift last night! He works again tonight and then he's home for three days in a row! Yippee!!!

...my belly is still full from the "Loaded Potato Omelet" I had this morning at Ponzio's! Potato, bacon, cheddar cheese and chives stuffed into an omelet and topped with sour cream. It's pretty much the best thing I ever ate.

...I am glad I met my family this morning for breakfast where I consumed said omelet! I think I will host breakfast next week instead of meeting out, because it is becoming increasingly difficult to contain PJ in his high chair!

...I am enjoying the rainy, pearly grey goodness of a wet March afternoon!

...I am cursing silently in my head because the Flyers just gave up another GOD DAMNED GOAL!!!! ARGGGGHHHH!!! Why does their power play suck today????????

...I am going to turn off this horrible game and go do something productive!

What are you doing right now????

"Getting to like you, getting to hope you like me..."

2011-03-02T23:44:00.000-05:00

It’s Week 9 of the Breastfeeding Blog Hop

Tips For New Moms

**We’ve made it even easier to participate – check out the NEW guidelines listed below**

Hosts:

Life With Levi

The Slacker Mom & Diary Of A Devil Dog Wife

This Week’s Guest Host:

A Breezy Life

Want to participate in this week's blog hop?

Here's what you need to do:

Find a post on your blog related to this week's topic - Tips For New Moms. You can write a new post, or use a past post.
Add the linky code (click below where it says "get code") to the bottom of your post. Then copy/paste these guidelines above the linky.
Link up your post. (Be sure to use the URL for your post, not your blog homepage). Have more than one post you want to add? Go ahead and link them all!

Optional:

Show your hosts some love – follow them on GFC. Leave a comment that you found them through the BFing Blog Hop so they can follow you back!
Check out some of the other blogs that linked up – the more blogs you follow (and comment on), the more followers you’ll gain.
Grab the Breastfeeding Blog Hop button below and display it on your sidebar or in your post.

Each week a Guest Host will be chosen by Random.org from the participants in the previous week's blog hop.

This linky will be open two days - Thursday, 03/03 & Friday, 03/04.

~~**********************************************************************************************************~~

Oh, those first few days of being a new mama!

It can be a wonderful, overwhelming, exciting, exhausting, powerful time- the first minutes, hours, and days of being a new mother! I didn't know until it happened to me how amazing the time would be. Getting to know my son wasn't always easy- I was tired, sore, and of course, completely new at this! All I wanted in the world was to measure up to the task of mothering this gorgeous new life my husband and I created! Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither were my parenting skills. My journey to parenthood is one that changes each day and evolved with each new challenge that I face. So although I am still learning, here are a few things I wish I had known in advance!

The hospital can be a difficult place to get to know your baby

The staff at the hospital I delivered PJ at was very good, but I still found it hard to get into a rhythm with my son. It seemed like every time I settled down to nurse, someone came to check my stitches, weigh my son, take blood (PJ had jaundice) or ask a question. I was encouraged to try nursing as often as possible, but rarely given a damn minute of peace to do so!. If this happens to you, don't be discouraged! Take what you can from the experience of being in the hospital (the nursing help, the support of a lactation consultant, the free diapers...) but don't get frustrated if you don't leave with a perfect breastfeeding routine in place. It takes patience and it takes practice and those are two things you will better cultivate in the comfort and quiet of your own home!

Pee is the Holy Grail of breastfeeding

No matter how many books you have read or classes you have taken, the fact remains that you and your child are new to each other, and the routines and techniques that you both create might be completely different to what you thought it would be. In my case, it was my flat nipples and getting PJ to latch on. His method of latching didn't seem right to me at all, but it didn't hurt me, he ate like a piggy, and at the end of the day I had a cute little pile of pee-filled diapers to show for my efforts! In those early days when the baby doesn't smile and certainly isn't able to vocalize a detailed list of his needs, pee output in your guide. If you see some pee, your milk's flowin' free!

Use your lifelines

Got a question? Feeling frustrated? Are you convinced your child is starving and that if you don't start spouting some goods soon you are going to start screaming until someone brings you some Enfamil and a whiskey sour? Whoa, there. Take a deep breath. Phone a friend. At a playgroup? Ask the audience. It's 2:26am? Hop online and find a chatroom. Were YOU breastfed yourself? Call your mom! Remember the first bit of advice? This takes practice. And along with that, be willing to ask for help along the way!

Foundation is key

Get a good nursing bra. Seriously. Your bra is going to get a lot of action now, even more then it did in your sluttiest of slutty phases, and in the same way you receive it from your friend, receive good support from your bra! It will save you money in the end, since you're less likely to have to replace a good nursing bra, and it will provide you with invaluable comfort for your Dinner Drops.

Establish your crutch

I'll just say it. Without my iPod, I might have lost my mind in those long, sleepless nights of nursing my son! Even at 3am, I could tuck my son to my breast with one arm and use the other to read perezhilton.com. It kept me awake, it kept me company if I decided t let my husband sleep, and it kept me connected. It might not be an iPod, but find something to spoil yourself with during the time when your world revolves around nursing.

Enjoy this time

Unlike anything else in the world- changing diapers, giving baths, reading stories and singing songs- breastfeeding is the only thing that you alone can do for your child. It's real, powerful, and wonderful, and even in the most frustrating of times, let yourself relax and remember that in this moment, it's just you and your baby.

And there you have it. Like I said, I am not an expert of parenting, but I do know what worked for my son and I. Even if you end up just laughing your head off at my stupidity, I hope laughing helped!

"Looks like we made it..."

2011-02-25T14:59:00.001-05:00

It’s Week 8 of the Breastfeeding Blog Hop

Topic: Milestones

**There's a new format, please check out the details below**

Hosts:

Life With Levi

The Slacker Mom & Diary Of A Devil Dog Wife

This Week’s Guest Host:

I Thought I Knew Mama

Here are the guidelines for this blog hop:

1. Add yourself to the linky below. You may link up your blog homepage OR link directly to a post related to this week’s topic.

2. Grab the button (code can be found at Life With Levi) and display it on your blog.

3. Show your hosts some love – follow them on GFC. Leave a comment that you found them through the BFing Blog Hop so they can follow you back!

4. Check out some of the other blogs that linked up – the more blogs you follow (and comment on), the more followers you’ll gain.

5. The Guest Host will be chosen by Random.org from the participants in the previous week’s blog hop.

6. Linky will be open two days – Thursday, 02/24 & Friday, 02/25.

===========================================================================

This blog hop came along at just the right time in my life, because we have been thinking and talking a lot about breastfeeding in our house. Tomorrow, PJ will be 15 months old and is still nursing well past my original goal of 12 months. That goal of 12 months was pretty concrete- baring unforeseen complications, I was going to make it to a full year of nursing and I am so happy and proud that I did! My plan for after 12 months? Not so concrete.

For the first 365 days of PJ's life, there were a thousand little milestones along the path of breastfeeding. He latched on! MILESTONE! My milk came in! MILESTONE! Ha, I just squirted him in the eye for the first time! MILESTONE! It might sound silly to say, but in those days when my son was changing so quickly and he depended on me solely for food, getting through each day was it's own milestone!

Of course we eventually started PJ on solid food and I am not his only source of nutrition. Apples, meatballs, peas and cookies help to fill his little belly now, and breastfeeding has become something he turns to in order to sate his emotional needs, not his nutritional ones. We nurse when he wakes up, before and after naps, when he goes to bed, and any other time he needs to. I know that eventually, he will need or want to nurse less and less. Now that my original goal of 12 months has come and gone, I am not sure when the next milestone- the completion of our nursing routine- will happen.

So the next round of milestones might be a little more vague. My new goal is 18 months, and that is right around the corner! After that, who knows? For now, it's very tiny little milestones in my breastfeeding adventure, and my heart loves every single one!

"Baby mine, don't you cry..."

2011-02-23T23:33:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, being a mama is hard.

All you hope for is that nothing bad to ever happen to your child

and for happiness to be the only thing they ever know.

Like, 98.99999% of the time, if you're super-vigilant

the world is good and full of butterflies

(or maybe trucks, cookies, or Sesame Street. Whatever makes your kid super-squealy happyhappyhappy).

But even the most vigilant of mamas

lets one gets past her.

Even when everything turns out to be completely okay, a moment of pain for your child

equals a giant hole in the heart of a mama.

And in the heart of a drama queen like me?

That hole is the Grand Canyon.

And long, rambling, free-poetry-type blog posts are written.

(Well, it might be poetry if it wasn't so horrible)

My son is sleeping sweetly in his bed.

He laughed at his favorite show

while I spoke frantically to a doctor.

He only hurt for a second, and everything is fine.

At least I'm not the parents on the news right now who left their three kids alone in a house with no working toilets.

(Those poor babies...)

My son is fine, he's fine and wonderful.

It was a passing moment and my son is fine.

(just tell my mama heart)

"Even if I crash and burn ten times a day, I think I'm here to stay..."

2011-02-22T23:29:00.000-05:00

Today was the last day of Pete's six days off, and we are really, really sad to see the time come to an end! We really lucked out this time- nice weather, family parties and other fun, and lots of time to be together! I even got to escape for a Girl's Night Out! The time has been wonderful, and now it seems like the next six-day-off stretch is sooooooo far away!

Thank goodness that PJ and I are lucky enough to have wonderful friends and family to keep us company when Pete is working or sleeping off a shift! Even though I find everything PJ does fairly fascinating, it still gets pretty lonely when I spend little to no time with my husband for a few days in a row!

At my niece Riley's birthday party this past Sunday, a very sweet, dear, wonderful family friend (the best friend of my sister-in-law Shelly!) asked me if I was bored being at home. And this wasn't just an idle, "Ugh, I don't know HOW you can stay at home!"-snotty type line of questioning. It was totally valid. Before I had PJ, I worked a 60+ hour week and had a weekend job on top of that! I was a totall work-a-holic. I never thought I would be content to be a SAHM. I liked working, I liked feeling valued and productive, and I really liked making my own money! I figured I would go back to work.

Then PJ was born and I knew right away that I wasn't going anywhere. On a practical level, there was no point. I would never make enough to cover childcare. I was there to stay anyway. But I converted from work-a-holic to stay-at-home-mom faster then you can say "poop"! Through the weeks of getting the hang of breastfeeding through diaper changes all the way through PJ's first year, I never missed working the way I thought I would. While we certainly miss the added income, we are slowly but surely making our way and figuring out the best way to run our little family.

For now, my job is to help raise my son full-time, and while I feel like I am still in the training period sometimes, it's the best job I ever had!

"It's gonna be a good day, just wait and see..."

2011-02-22T00:01:00.000-05:00

So, I was all set to sit down and write a nice little post about what a nice day we had today, but then I glanced out of the window and saw snow! Friggin' snow!!!!! Our beautiful weather last week made me starving for spring, so this snow really just isn't doing it for me. Blergh. Still, I'll share out lovely day, since I'm giving like that. You're welcome.

The day started off with PJ having slept through the night, which is always a wonderful thing! He doesn't do that nearly enough- sadly, he sleeps like his mama, which is...well. It's crappy. So last night was a treat! We had a lazy, low-key morning to come down from the business of yesterday (we were out alllll day with no nap for PJ!) that was followed by naps all around for the afternoon! Naps are pretty much awesome and I don't take nearly enough. My husband, on the other hand, is the Benjamin Franklin of napping. He naps like he invented it!

After our long naps, we headed out to Chick-Fil-A to meet my friend Randi and her littles for dinner and playtime! Randi recently went back to work after almost two years as a stay-at-home-mom, so getting together has been tough. There was a time, when I was a nanny and she was home, that we saw each other every single day! We're not able to do that now, so it's great when we can squeeze in some time together! PJ loves her kids, especially her eldest daughter Natalie, and was having a blast!! Inside the play area, PJ climbed to the top for the first time! Even though he didn't really venture very far into the big tube-y-climb-y thing, it was fun to see him navigate it like a big boy!

Now, Pete is at his weekly fire department meeting and PJ is tucked into bed and the goddamn snow is falling outside. Life is quiet, life is small, but life is good! It's the little things that count, and today, even though there was nothing groundbreaking or exciting about it, was a good one!

How was your day? Was it good? Tell me! :-)

"Walk like a man..."

2011-02-20T23:15:00.000-05:00

You will have to excuse me, since I have been Miss Lazy Blogger McBlogenstein the past few days. Pete is in the middle of a stretch of six days off, so we have been busy enjoying some family time!

A few days ago, we had one single, perfect day of amazing, 70 degree weather! It was the kind that leaves you with Weather Blue Balls, since it comes in, romances you, makes you feel awesome, and then just when you think it will keep going.... nothing. Just the same cold, lonely winter and now you're all frustrated!

Still, we got to go to the park and spend some time chasing PJ in the late-afternoon sun! It was packed with families enjoying the beautiful day, and there was such a happy vibe! Our big boy is walking like a champ now, and it was so much fun to watch him run all over the place!

"I guess he’s an X-box and I’m more Atari..."

2011-02-16T22:32:00.000-05:00

Hey, my last post was my 400th!!! Wow!!

Anyway, this is a brief "hello!" after a few very, very long nights with PJ! For two nights in a row, he didn't settle down to sleep until 10pm- two hours past his usual bedtime! He wasn't unhappy, just wired! The video from my last post? That was pretty much how bedtime was going! The first night, once he fell asleep, he stayed asleep, but last night, PJ woke up again at a little after midnight and didn't go back to sleep until 4am!

That's right. 4am. Urghhhhhhhhh.....

Again, he wasn't upset, he was just awake! He was smiling, laughing, and blowing raspberries on my arms! I could not, for the life of me, figure out what on earth got into him! At 2:30am we were snuggled in my bed, watching "That 70's Show", PJ laughing every time I did! Even though a part of me enjoyed the bonus snuggle time with my best Boy-Boy, I knew we'd both pay for it!

So, after a l-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-n-g night and a play date this morning, I figured that PJ would be wiped out by nap time.

Yeah. You guessed it. I figured wrong. He didn't take a nap today! What the hell? He bounced around his crib until I finally faced defeat and got him! At one point, he had thrown all of his things (paci, tag blankey, cookie monster doll) out of his crib. When I finally took them away, leaving him with nothing to chuck over the crib rail, he took his socks off and chucked those.

Smart ass.

Thankfully, he's now sound asleep after dinner at our wonderful friends house! Since we both have working-at-night husbands right now, we hung out to keep each other company and kill the time! The kids had a blast and it would seem that PJ ran out a lot of his energy! He's been asleep for three hours now, which is already a vast improvement over the last two nights!

And now that the Flyers game is over? I'm off to bed, too!

Goodnight, loves!

"Who needs sleep?"

2011-02-14T23:56:00.000-05:00

In a world, where babies should be sleeping, things were awry.

Where there should have been quiet, the noise of raspberries shattered the silence.

An innocent mother investigates, and what she saw will astound you.

This is...

NAPTIME FAIL

Hopefully, this feature will not be coming to a bedroom near you, and will only have a short run in ours!!

Even if he is friggin' cute! ;-)

"Just a little bit..."

2011-02-13T23:27:00.000-05:00

just a few things....

We took PJ to a Valentine's Day Lunch with Elmo at Sesame Place on Saturday! It was sooo much fun and nicely done! PJ was a little overwhelmed from seeing all of his TV buddies in person! He didn't cry, but just kind of stared like "Whoa...". I got lots of shots with the characters that I will share later, but for now, my favorite- the look on PJ's face when he saw Ernie coming towards him:

Pretty much made my heart melt!

My sister Marla is featured of the website for The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia as part of Congenital Heart Defect Awareness Week 2011! She was born with a heart defect called tetralogy of fallot and has been a patient at CHOP all of her life. Now, she's a patient and and employee, since she's been a nurse there for nearly 6 years! Next month, she will take a new position in the Cardiac ICU, where she spent so much time as a child. It's an amazing journey and I don't think there's any way I could have been more blessed to be her sibling. Check it out here and maybe even share her story!

PJ is totally walking now!! He kind of looks like when Vincent D'Onofrio takes over that guys body in Men In Black, but it's still super cute and makes me laugh!!

I am so, so thankful for all of the amazing friends I have, who come with us to see Elmo, who invite us over for dinner so we can miss our husbands while they are at work, meet me for coffee, chat with me on Twitter, and love me even when I'm whiny/boring/smelly/generally unloveable!

I love my husband for loving me despite all of that, too!

And now, dear friends, it's time to watch the last little bit of the Grammy's and then cuddle up with my hubs before he does a stretch of three shifts in a row and I don't see him for days! Hope you all had a great weekend!!!

Goodnight!

"Doubting if there's a woman in there somewhere..."

2011-02-10T13:39:00.000-05:00

It’s Week 6 of the weekly Breastfeeding Blog Hop.

Link up to connect with other breastfeeding-friendly bloggers!

If you’re new to blog hops, please check out this post

by Jen from Life With Levi: How To Blog Hop

Host: @LifeWithLevi

Jen (http://www.twitter.com/lifewithlevi) is an exclusive pumping mom who works outside the home. Her son Levi is almost 6 months old.

Co-Hosts: @playersnamed and @mmumma

Erin (http://www.twitter.com/playersnamed) is a mom to three beautiful boys – Wyatt, Lincoln, and Judah The Tank. She blogs at TheSlackerMom.com

Marah (@mmumma) is a stay at home mom to her son Kolt. They have been breastfeeding for 14 months and still going strong. She blogs at Diary Of A Devil Dog Wife.

This Week’s Guest Host: @ABCGP

Wendy @ABCGP) is the proud (and tired!) mommy of a 15-month-old little boy and the founder of ABCs and Garden Peas, a natural parenting blog that focuses on food, family and eco-friendly endeavors. We just reached 15 months of nursing, and our one year anniversary of pumping at work! Next goals: 18 months, and TTC!

Here are the guidelines for this blog hop:

1.Follow the 3 blog hosts for the week (spots #1-3). Spot #3 features a blogger randomly selected from the previous week’s blog hop.

2.Link up your breastfeeding-friendly blog so others can find it. If you have posted about breastfeeding (and/or pumping) in the past or plan to post about breastfeeding, that’s you!

3.Check out some of the other blogs from the Linky. Be sure to leave a comment on each blog that you found them through the Breastfeeding Blog Hop so they can follow you back!

4. Repost the linky (link for the code is in the lower right-hand corner of the linky below) on your blog to help promote the blog hop. Be sure to add some info about YOU so others have a place to say “Hi” & let you know they’re following.

5. Grab the button below if you’d like and display it in your linky post or your sidebar.

6. This blog hop will be active from Thursday, 02/10 – Sunday, 02/13.

7.Be sure to include these guidelines when you add the Blog Hop Linky Code to your blog.

About Me (A Breezy Life...): Howdy! I'm Brie! I'm the wife of a hot firefighter hubby (who is also a nurse!) and the mama to the funniest, sweetest baby boy in the world! Peter Joseph is 14 months old and feels that his own, personal obstacle to breastfeeding is trying to watch Play With Me, Sesame with a mouthful of nipple. Or so he says. Thanks for stopping by!!

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Breastfeeding has been, for the most part, a peaceful adventure for me. Once I got past the first week, when I was in that whole "Holy CHRIST, am I using these things right?" phase, my son and I took to nursing with ease, and I am thankful for that in a million and one ways.

Still, even having a relatively uneventful breastfeeding history doesn't mean it's been a perfect road. I think just about every mama has some little hiccup in their nursing routine, whether it be sore nipples, supply problems, latching issues, teeth (baby's, not mama's!) or in my case, finding a comfortable, durable nursing bra that doesn't cost nine jillion freaking dollars!

I found that the best way to get past an obstacle was to get help. Trying to fake your way through a breastfeeding issue won't work and will just leave you with sore/full/empty hooters and a hungry/frustrated/bitey baby. And that's no fun. I haunted Barnes and Noble for books on nursing- I got some of the best tips from a book I didn't even think would apply to me, since it was written by working mama's for whom pumping played a huge part. I asked my friends who nursed, participated in chats, and made some rockin' Twitter friends! I even cried to my husband during a few frustrating times, and although he, being 1. a man and 2. boobless, didn't always understand my angst, he listened. Sometimes, that alone made all the difference.

Here's the thing- even for the milkiest of milky mamas, there will be those moments when it's Just. Not. Going. Right. And it can make you feel like shit. Seriously. But, don't give up, don't beat yourself up, and know that there are other nursing mamas who understand and could even give you some pointers!

Even I finally found some good bras at the outlets stores! If there's hope for me, there's hope for anybody!

"I wanna walk like you...

2011-02-09T14:05:00.000-05:00

Note: This post was supposed to go up last night, but just as I was about to hit "Publish" my poor, teething, cranky, emotional son Completely. Lost. His. Mind. By the time my sweet boy was settled back in his bed, I had lost mine! Not that I had anything really important to say, but still. Here you go.

*********************************************************************************

Okay, I need to get something out of my system.

That McDonald's commercial? For the coffee? Where that couple rhythmically bangs on the table while sipping their McCafe?

I. Want. To. Slap. The. Shit. Out. Of. Them.

Moving on.

So, I have been super cranky, which is insane because things are pretty good! It's mainly hormonal and not at all environmental, so in a few days when everything is back to status quo, so to speak, I will be over myself. I know. Ew, right?

There have been many doings about our little household! Pete is on a shorter stretch of time off in his work cycle, so he's been home and we have been able to do family things. By family things, it's mainly been watching PJ walking around!

Yup! He's walking! It took a while, but he started yesterday out of nowhere and hasn't stopped since! For now it's still hilarious and wonderful but I'm sure that by the end of the week, my house will be destroyed! ;-)

Tomorrow is Pete's last full day off, so we have big plans to take PJ to the Discovery Museum to see him really try his new legs out! In the meantime, it's late, it's cold, and it's windy outside and I am pretty sure that the only place I should be right now is in bed!

Goodnight!

"My lovely lady lumps..."

2011-02-03T15:11:00.000-05:00

It’s Week 5 of the weekly Breastfeeding Blog Hop.

Link up to connect with other breastfeeding-friendly bloggers!

If you’re new to blog hops, please check out this post

by Jen from Life With Levi: How To Blog Hop

Host: @LifeWithLevi

Co-Hosts: @playersnamed and @mmumma

This Week’s Guest Host: @briemarisa1977
(That's me!)

Here are the guidelines for this blog hop:

1.Follow the 3 blog hosts for the week (spots #1-3). Spot #3 features a blogger randomly selected from the previous week’s blog hop.

2.Link up your breastfeeding-friendly blog so others can find it. If you have posted about breastfeeding (and/or pumping) in the past or plan to post about breastfeeding, that’s you!

3.Check out some of the other blogs from the Linky. Be sure to leave a comment on each blog that you found them through the Breastfeeding Blog Hop so they can follow you back!

4.Repost the linky (link for the code is in the lower right-hand corner of the linky below) on your blog to help promote the blog hop. Be sure to add some info about YOU so others have a place to say “Hi” & let you know they’re following.

5.Grab the button below if you’d like and display it in your linky post or your sidebar.

6.This blog hop will be active from Thursday, 01/27 – Sunday, 01/30.

7.Be sure to include these guidelines when you add the Blog Hop Linky Code to your blog.

About Me (A Breezy Life...): Howdy! I'm Brie! I'm the wife of a hot firefighter hubby (who is also a nurse!) and the mama to the funniest, sweetest baby boy in the world! Peter Joseph is 14 months old and has been nursed at the mall, Barnes and Noble, Chick-fil-A, and at Passover Seder (mazel tov!). I am VERY excited to co-host the BFBH with Jen, even if she does kick my ass at Words With Friends! I'm really happy to meet YOU! Stop and say hello!

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Please also visit THIS post- originally linked on this weeks BFBH- on "Things The Lactation Consultant Should Have Told Me"!

Nursing in public was not something that I had any qualms about. I grew up a theater brat , dropping trou backstage for costume changes at the drop of a hat, and have little to zero modesty. So one would figure that a little boob reveal-age would be nothing, and really? It wasn't. For me, anyway.

For others? Holy moly! You'd have thought it was twirling around a stripper pole instead of twirling my Bebe au Lait around my neck to cover my son like a circus tent while he nursed!

I think that for people who are uncomfortable with breastfeeding, there are two things going on. One, there are people who, when they see a breast, are going to go "OMIGOD! BOOBIES!" no matter what function they are being utilized for. Those sexy little lady lumps can cause quite a stir sometimes, particularly when they are seen only as sexy lady lumps and not for what truly is their function as organs on a human female.

The other roadblock can simply be an unfamiliarity with breastfeeding. Some families are not nursing families, and breastfeeding can be uncomfortable to see and speak of. My father-in-law, who is a sweet, wonderful man, really did not know what to do when I needed to nurse my son in his presence! One time, on a visit to their house (I actually think it was PJ's first Christmas, so he was all of a month old!) I was nursing in a quiet area of the house, swathed in my nursing cover, and my father-in-law came by and turned off the lights "to make you more comfortable".

Um. Ooooooookay.

I truly know that he had the best of intentions and it does not upset me that nursing makes him uncomfortable. He is a man (check 1!) who is the parent of children who were not nursed (check 2!) and was raised in a very modest, religious family (check 3!). He loves me, adores my son, and was well pleased to see how well PJ thrived as an exclusively breastfed child. He was glad my son was eating something, he just...you know. Didn't want to think about my boobs.

So, therein lies the problem. Boobs are more then just sexy, but people tend to view them as purely ornamental instead of functional. How can we, as women and breastfeeding advocates, change this attitude?

This Breastfeeding Blog Hop is a great start- Mama's banding together to write about the virtues of breastfeeding. I always say that it's not the right choice for everyone, so the idea is not to look down on mothers that make a different choice but to change the view point for people that do, so it's okay to nurse your child in public and have people see the amazing function of a mother's body and not just...well...

Not just boobies.

"It's the same old story, same old song and dance..."

2011-01-31T23:46:00.000-05:00

Oh my gosh, the past few days have been the shittiest I have ever been through! They haven't been bad days, just shitty. Like, literal poop. Poor PJ has had diarrhea the past few days, poor thing! We're hoping it's running it's course, and I think PJ is too! He was in good spirits the first two days, but I can tell it's wiping him out!

Heh, heh. Wiping.

Anyway.

Waves of poo aside, it's been pretty damn boring around here! Which is fine, we have just been bundled up inside doing our best to avoid the cold! Our biggest project has been trying to catch up on laundry, which PJ's poop-splosions have not been helping conquer! I don't know how Pete, PJ and I create such massive piles of dirty clothes, it's unreal! Especially since I'm prone to staying in my pajamas for two days in a row! It's like the Duggars sneak in and make our clothes dirty, because surely two adults and a baby can't cause that much laundry damage!

The other mountain I have been trying to climb this past week, along with the laundry mountain, is the dietary one! I have been watching what I eat for a full week now, recording every bite I chew and staying within the caloric guidelines I set on LoseIt, which is a free app for the iTouch. I had thought about re-joing Weight Watchers but we just can't put out the money right now. LoseIt isn't as comprehensive as WW, but it's free and it does the job! I haven't been a perfect eater (turns out I can't be trusted with a sleeve of Ritz crackers...) but I am down two pounds, with many, many, many more to go. Thirty, to be exact. I'm sure the process would move a little faster if I added in some exercise, but I'm not there yet. Hopefully soon.

For now, I am going to exercise my arms as I fold and put away some laundry, so it will be off of our bed, allowing me to lie down on it.

Yawn.

Hope you all had a good Monday!

Goodnight!!

"Tardy to the party..."

2011-01-29T20:31:00.001-05:00

NOTE: So, yeah, I should have published this two days ago, This is why that horrible song by that lady from that show is my title for my post tonight! Anyway, I had the post all written, and for two nights in a row my son lost his tiny little mind and I never got around to publishing! Thankfully, he's sleeping peacefully tonight and I can get this post up!

It’s Week 4 of the weekly Breastfeeding Blog Hop.

Link up to connect with other breastfeeding-friendly bloggers!

If you’re new to blog hops, please check out this post

by Jen from Life With Levi: How To Blog Hop

Host: @LifeWithLevi

Co-Host: @Greek_Momma

This Week’s Guest Host: @kbevan4

Here are the guidelines for this blog hop:

1.Follow the 3 blog hosts for the week (spots #1-3). Spot #3 features a blogger randomly selected from the previous week’s blog hop.

2.Link up your breastfeeding-friendly blog so others can find it. If you have posted about breastfeeding (and/or pumping) in the past or plan to post about breastfeeding, that’s you!

3.Check out some of the other blogs from the Linky. Be sure to leave a comment on each blog that you found them through the Breastfeeding Blog Hop so they can follow you back!

5.Grab the button below if you’d like and display it in your linky post or your sidebar.

6.This blog hop will be active from Thursday, 01/27 – Sunday, 01/30.

7.Be sure to include these guidelines when you add the Blog Hop Linky Code to your blog.

About Me (A Breezy Life...): Howdy! I'm Brie! I'm the wife of a hot firefighter hubby (who is also a nurse!) and the mama to the funniest, sweetest baby boy in the world! Peter Joseph is 14 months old and has been nursing for every day of every one of those months! I like reading, writing, but not 'rithmatic! I replaced that with Gossip Girl. Gossip Girl. Anyway, thank for stopping by- can't wait to meet you!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

When my son turned 1 this past November, I could not believe how quickly the year had flown by! He went from being a skinny little six-pound wisp of a newborn boy to being a sturdy, funny, noisy 1 year old!

There were so many changes to think about! PJ says a handful of words and he has clearly chosen a favorite television show (Sesame Street), food (meatballs), and toy (his Fisher-Price Sing-Along Stage)! He is not always patient for diaper changes and, more often then not, will pull off his socks. He adores his friends and cousins and will clap delightedly when he gets them in his sights!

His first year was full of changes, some flying at me two at a time, blazing by at a pace that could make my head spin. Still, aside from his shock of bright blonde hair, there was one constant, and it wasn't until we were doing our bedtime routine the night of his birthday that I realized what it was.

I had been breastfeeding for one year. For 365 days PJ and I had stolen moments for just the two of us, the one task that I knew nobody else could do for him. He thrived with what my body could provide for his, he drew comfort from the act of nursing. It was, without a doubt, the best choice- if not always the easiest- that I could have made for my son.

Now, PJ is 14 months old (sob!) and there's been a lot of question as to when I will wean him. Right now, there's no set plan. There are times right now when PJ has better things to do then nurse and that's fine. Still, most of the time he still wants to nurse, so nurse we do. I have a vague plan of letting him self wean, and we'll re-evaluate when he turns 18 months old. We take it moment to moment, and I love every single one of them!

"Younger then the mountains..."

2011-01-26T23:04:00.000-05:00

Our trip to the Pocano Mountains this past weekend was wonderful and relaxing, but since we mostly stayed inside, the only thing to take pictures of was my sweet baby Boy!

We took this picture...

And more pictures...

And yes. Even this picture.

Note to self- do NOT feed a tired baby anything with tomato sauce on it, as it will double as a face mask when he rubs his eyes with fatigue!

Let that be a lesson.

"Will you just yawn and say..."

2011-01-24T23:16:00.000-05:00

My little family is back at home after a wonderful, relaxing weekend in the Pocanos! Pete is in the middle of a six-day stretch of days off and was jonesing to hit the ski slopes, so on Friday we packed up and made the drive during PJ's naptime- and he was even obliging enough to actually nap!

We spent the weekend lazing around the mountain house, skiing (Pete), and shopping (PJ and I!). I was on a bra misson and scored three new titslings! I also got new onesies for PJ- he's outgrown all of his undershirt-y ones! Not the most exciting shopping trip, but certainly a needed one!

We rode up to the Pocanos in my loaner car because mine was- and still is!- in the shop! The dealership service department was waiting for...some part that will fix the...something...either way, the car is still broken! It was kind of a nice treat because the loaner car has a much bigger trunk and slightly bigger cabin, so we cruised in ~~style~~ a Toyota Corolla.

Our non-exciting weekend away was followed up with a non-exciting Monday. It was a balmy nine degrees this morning (Nine. Friggin'. Degrees. Uch. ) so there was no way I was taking PJ anywhere! He seems like he might be teething and was a little cranky, so it was a good day to just hibernate inside! The kid is almost 14 months old and he has TWO TEETH! Needless to say, we're dying for a few more to pop through and hoping that his behavior indicates teeth!

So yes! Our lives are making for some prime blogging fodder right now, sure to excite the masses! Not that I mind- I think the boring, cozy times beat the exciting times any day!

:-)

"Through the mirror of my mind..."

2011-01-21T23:18:00.000-05:00

I've been drawing a blank the past few nights- I've found myself so tired and unmotivated, I just haven't had much to say. If you're someone that reads my blog with any kind of regularity (although God knows who would!) you know that I have moments like this. This week, it was easier to veg out in front of the television watching Jersey Shore (don't judge) then do anything else.

My weekend is going to be a pretty quiet one, spent with Pete and PJ! My big excitement is going to get a new nursing bra tomorrow! Oh, and mascara, since I just realized mine is a year old! Ewwwww... At any rate, Pete has the next five days off and it will be wonderful having him home ~~so we can finally build the toybox we got for PJ from Ikea!~~ to spend time together as a family!

I am hoping that I will be revitalized and get out of this "blah" mood that's settled over me! I hate when I feel all drawing-a-blank-y. I really love writing and using this blog as an outlet to do so, but sometimes I just have nothing to say. How much can I write about how fascinating PJ's faces/noises/movements/poops/hair/toes/etc are??? Well, I could write about it all day, but it would be mind-numbing for anyone who reads it!

And now, I am going to end this post, since it is full of nonsense, and head to bed!

Good. Night.

"Here in my car I feel safest of all..."

2011-01-19T23:05:00.000-05:00

So, I started this blog post yesterday evening. But, then PJ completely lost his mind and I was up with him for an hour and half, much of it spend snuggled on the couch watching the news. He Just. Would. Not. Sleep. By the time I got him back down it was after midnight and I had pretty much lost my will to live, so I forced myself to clean up and do the dishes (three weeks and haven't missed a night!) and then I went to bed. PJ, thankfully, slept through until morning! And the angels sang...

~~Today~~ Yesterday was a rainy, cold, dreary Tuesday, but I spent every second of it in my pajamas! So, it was a wash.

This past Sunday I went to see my cousin Matthew, his adorable wife Colleen, and their sweet, smooshy, perfect new baby daughter Braelyn! She's 6 weeks old and simply stunning, and we had such a fun afternoon with them! PJ was not at all interested in the baby, he was more interested in chasing their two dogs around yelling "CACK! CACK! CACKCACKCACKCACK!". Everything furry to him is a cat, I guess since we have one and I always point her out to him! Whenever we tried to correct him ("DOG", PJ! It's a dog!"), he would look at us, yell "CACK!" back, and go back to what he was doing.

Weird baby.

Even though PJ is only 13 months, it seems like a thousand years ago that he was as tiny as beautiful Braelyn- it was like holding a very cute wisp of smoke! I could see the look on the faces of my cousin and his wife that only new parents wear; kind of confused, super-tired, and totally in love! It was awesome! Matt and I are a week apart in age and grew up together, and now almost exactly a year apart we've both become parents. We've moved on from one lifetime to the next and it is really, really exciting!

Today...blergh. It was one of those days that was full of extremes, wavering between completely wonderful and stressful enough to make me shit my pants. It was a Sybil kind of day. First, I couldn't find my wallet, but struck off for the coffee shop to meet a good friend anyway. I know. I drove sans licence. Dumb, but I really needed coffee. :-( We went and had a lovely time despite our mobile littles, and made plans to hang out later that night since both of our husbands were working this evening!

When I got into the car to head to the coffeehouse, I turned my key and saw the "Check Engine" light on. Mehhhhhhhhrghhphhhhh... Sometimes, it's a very simple thing, so I headed out to see if I could feel a difference in how the car drove. Right away, I could tell that my little car was struggling to shift into 1st and 2nd gear. Frig. When I got home from the coffee shop, I made a service appointment right away. The only problem? I knew that if my car would be in the shop for more then just a few hours, I would need a rental/loaner car. And if I needed that, I would need to show my drivers licence. Which meant I needed to find my damn wallet!

I was completely annoyed that I couldn't find it- the apartment is the neatest it's ever been and I was still losing things! I tore the place up looking for it (which is a mess I will clean up as soon as I am done this post!) and had no luck. Where was it? In my car, in a little nook on my dashboard that I never put things into. The culprit? Pete, who had tucked it there after getting my debit card out when we stopped at Dunkin' Donuts on the way to my cousins the other day! FARK!

IlovemyhusbandIlovemyhusbandIlovemyhusbandIlovemyhusbandIlovemyhusbandIlovemyhusband...annnnnnnnnd repeat....

PJ went down for his nap and off I went to the Toyota dealership. I checked in at the service desk and explained what the problem was. The very nice woman who waited on me checked out my info and looked into my warranty coverage. I had purchased the extended warranty when I bought my car (Who knew!) but there was the possibility that whatever was wrong might not be covered. They would run some diagnostic tests to figure out what it was, and if the problem wasn't covered, then the test itself would cost over $100- and that is before they fixed the problem, which would possibly be another huge repair bill! If the problem was covered, the test and repair would be free. So, could I just wait in the waiting area and they would let me know in about 45 minutes?

I sat for what stretched into an hour and a half, slowly losing my mind. Thankfully, the dealership had free wireless, so I was Tweeting my frustrations and worry. A bill car repair bill is going to kill us right now! What is taking so long? I'm so nervous I feel like I'm going to poop!.

Thank GOD the repair is covered under my warranty! I was able to get a loaner car at no charge and the repair will be done within the next few days. I was almost tearful with relief! Even better, I got to share my relief over pizza with Michelle while we watched our children bounce off the walls!

Now, PJ is tucked into bed, I consumed the other half of my yummy bagel leftover from the coffee shop this morning, and there's a gigantic "I've been looking for my wallet" mess to clean up!

So, I bid you good night!

"It's funny how we feel so much..."

2011-01-15T00:05:00.000-05:00

A funny thing happened on the way to clean the kitchen tonight.

And yes, I know it's funny that I was cleaning in the first place! But this year I am allllllllll over this "turning over a new leaf" shit. And by leaf I mean a broom and sponge. The kitchen has been in a normal, not gross state for two weeks now, which is some sort of record in my very messy little world. But, I digress.

I emptied out a little cabinet in our living room to make room for storing PJ's toys, and in it found a gift bag filled with a bunch of random cards, notes, and other nonsense. Tonight when I was cleaning up from dinner, I opened up the bag and started reading the cards, and found a stack of sympathy cards that many of my friends sent when my brother-in-law Greg passed away in October of 2008. The notes were sweet and sad and touching and they instantly brought me back to saying goodbye to funny, laid-back, 36-year-old Greg.

Pete and I had only been married a few months when Greg passed- he had stood as a groomsman in our wedding, although by then he was very, very sick. At the time, we didn't think things were ever going to be good or normal or right again. Pete's sister Shelly, my amazing friend and someone I consider a sister as if we were blood, was left to mother their three beautiful girls (at the time ages 6, 4, and 2) alone. We were all at a loss as to how to handle this terrible thing.

Greg has been gone for two years now. We have all somehow managed to keep getting through his loss, and I marvel at the strength of my sister every day. It's not an easy thing, but I don't look at Shelly and her daughters and see a piece missing first- now, I see those funny, sassy girls and my ridiculously gorgeous, stylish sister and then remember that someone is missing. That's mostly due to Shelly and how hard she works to make sure her girls are happy, healthy, and loved. I don't always know what the future hold for them, but they are loved.

The other night, we had tucked PJ into bed and could hear him babbling away to himself over the baby monitor. His babbling turned into the sweetest fit of baby laughter I had ever heard, and I brought the monitor into the other room so Pete could hear. I wondered aloud what on earth could be making PJ laugh like that, and Pete suggested that he was talking to Uncle Greg.

How awesome would that be?

"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard..."

2011-01-13T14:14:00.001-05:00

(be sure to scroll down to see my blog post for today!)

Introducing a weekly blog hop to connect with other breastfeeding-friendly bloggers!

Host: @LifeWithLevi

Co-Hosts: @PlayersNamed, @iamambermccann

This Week's Guest Host:

@briemarisa1977

Here are the guidelines for this blog hop:

Visit the 4 blog hosts for the week (spots #1-4) Spot #4 will always feature a blogger randomly selected from the previous week's blog hop. Be sure to leave a comment that you found them through the Breastfeeding Blog Hop so they can follow you back!
Please only link up your blog if you are breastfeeding-friendly. If you have posted about breastfeeding (and/or pumping) in the past or plan to post about breastfeeding, that's you!
Repost the linky (link for the code is in the lower right-hand corner of the linky below) on your blog to help promote the blog hop. Be sure to add some info about YOU so others have a place to say "Hi" & let you know they're following.
Grab the button below if you'd like and display it in your linky post or your sidebar.
This blog hop will be active from Thursday, 01/13 - Sunday, 01/16.
Be sure to include these guidelines when you add the Blog Hop Linky Code to your blog.

If you're new to blog hops, please check out this post by Jen at Life With Levi, How To Blog Hop

About ME (A Breezy Life...) - Hey y'all! :-) I'm Brie! I'm a mother, a reader, a Gossip Girl watcher, and my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. I have a beautiful, hilarious, stubborn 13-month-old son named Peter Joseph who is the love of my life and really, the only boy who comes to the yard for my milkshake, since he's been nursing since he was a few hours old and is still going strong! My husband Pete is a super-sexy firefighter/registered nurse combo who is amazingly supportive and rubs my back whenever I ask! I am VERY excited to co-host the Breastfeeding Blog Hop this week! Can't wait to meet you all!

&lt;center>&lt;a href="http://www.LifeWithLevi.com/" mce_href="http://www.LifeWithLevi.com/">&lt;img border="0" src="http://i198.photobucket.com/albums/aa94/dvanti77/th_BreastfeedingBlogHopButton.jpg?t=1294413782" mce_src="http://i198.photobucket.com/albums/aa94/dvanti77/th_BreastfeedingBlogHopButton.jpg?t=1294413782"/>&lt;/a>&lt;/center>

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I had always known I wanted to breastfeed, so when I found out I was pregnant with PJ, my mind was flooded with thoughts of me nursing my son, my shirt neatly folded aside to give my sweet babe just enough eating room, while I looked down at him with a dreamy, serene look on my face.

Pffft.

It didn't really go that way. PJ was born with jaundice that wasn't clearing, so I had to supplement with formula to give his body the sugar he needed to clear the jaundice. So, here's me, already an emotional, slightly confused, brand-new mama, taping a little tube to my boob so I could still teach PJ to nurse while getting the formula into him. Trust me, it was a sight to behold. Still, it both exercises worked, and PJ soon was jaundice free and nursing like a champ!

That hurdle aside, it still takes a bit of getting used to. Engorgement, leakage, pain, soreness- it can all be part and parcel to this breastfeeding business. You plug ahead thought, because you know. Breastmilk is best for baby. It aids in their development. It provides antibodies to keep them healthy and protected. The poops are less smelly!

Oh. And it's worth it.

Seriously. Even thought it hasn't always come easy, I love, love, love nursing my son. It amazed me that I was able to nourish this babe that came into the world a scrawny 6 pounds and morphed into a chunky, healthy, smiling ball of sunshine! Others might have held my baby, changed my baby, rocked him down for a nap or made him smile. But for almost 6 months, it was just PJ and I, working as a team to help him grow in as healthy a way as possible. I could slip him into my arms and steal away, and in those quiet moments, when it was just Mama and baby, I would marvel at how I was built for just this thing, to provide for my child.

Now, PJ is 13 months old. He hasn't depended on my exclusively for nutrition for some time now. Sometimes, he'd rather crawl across the room, laughing his head off, then settle down to nurse. Still, we nurse, in the mornings when he first awakens, a night before he goes to sleep, before his naps, and any other time he needs the comfort of nursing. I know there will come a time when he will be done with nursing, and- perhaps because he is my first child- I will be sad. I cherish the simple moments with my son, even when they are few and far between, because I know it's something that only I can share with him.

I don't think breastfeeding is for everyone. As long as your child is healthy, nourished, and happy, there are many ways to do that, and only one way that's best for you. I know loads of amazing moms with amazing kids who have different, equally amazing ways of parenting. My parenting choice was to breastfeed, and for every way it wasn't like I had dreamed, there were a million ways it far exceeded it.

"A note on the table and a meal in the micro..."

2011-01-12T23:30:00.000-05:00

It's a quiet Wednesday night here in New Jersey-Land. PJ is tucked into bed, the snow has stopped falling and now it's just plain old cold, and my husband is trying to play video games on his X-Box until his brains dribble out of his ears! True story.

Our day was equally as quiet as our evening; PJ and I stayed inside all day and admired the snow from the windows of our nice, warm apartment! That's mostly because he doesn't have snow pants {parenting fail}. Hopefully, I can somehow manage to procure a set so our Boy can play in the snow for the first time! Lack of snow play aside, our day was one filled with Sesame Street, snacks, giggles and snuggles!

Pete is finishing up a three-day stretch of time off, and having him home was lovely! PJ loves spending time with his Dada, and I can pee/shower/cook/check Twitter with greater ease then when it's just the babe and I alone! Oh, and I guess I like having Pete around, too! His schedule is kind of all over the place, but three days off in a row is good! Even better? Every 5 weeks or so he has six days off! Which pretty much makes up for the weirdness of his schedule any other time!

Other highlights of the day?

Making dinner and eating together as a family!
Pete finding a great deal on those stupid Vitamin Waters he loves to drink!
Listening to PJ giggle at...well, goodness knows what on earth he was giggling at, over his baby monitor after we tucked him in!
Building a piece of Ikea furniture (a little bookcase) and not crying, swearing, or threatening anybody's life
Dancing and singing to Barenaked Ladies while I cleaned up dinner!
Feeling all neat and productive and -dare I say it???- housewifey!
Having both of my Boys with me all day, safe and warm and happy!

Tomorrow, it's back to reality!

Hope your tomorrow is as wonderful as my today was!

Goodnight!

"Follow, follow, follow, follow..."

2011-01-10T20:32:00.000-05:00

So I thought I would try something new today, as per the advice of my sweet Twitter friend Jen, who writes the blog Life With Levi! Getting to know more people is right up my alley, so let's do this thing!

The Rules are Simple:

1) Follow the people in the first 4 slots {the Fourth Spot will ALWAYS feature a blogger who participated in the blog hop the week before} If you want the hosts to follow you back leave a comment on their MFM post.

2) Grab the button! Post it in your sidebar or in a post with a little something about you so everyone who comes to follow you has a space to say Hey, Following from MFM! (You can get the button code from Little BBCG & His Mama Review It)

3) Have Fun. Make New Friends, because it’s cool to be popular

About me: I'm Breezy. I am a 30-something mama to the sweetest, funniest, silliest 13 month old boy on the planet! You may call him PJ! I am the wife of a hot, firefighting, nursing hubby! You may call him Pete! I am the owner of the bitchiest cat on the planet. You may call her Gordie! I like to read, sing, write, talk, watch Gossip Girl, and Google random things that pop into my head! Right now? I'm eating green beans! Let's be friends! :-)

"It's just another day for you and me in paradise..."

2011-01-09T23:54:00.000-05:00

I'm really weird.

Okay, pick yourself off the floor since I know that statement really knocked you out of your socks. {sarcasm} And anyway, we know that I'm weird- really, the point of this post is that I am also emotional. I tend to have very high highs and very low lows that are juuuuuuuuuuuust short of being fully bipolar.

Just short.

My emotional bipolar-ish-ism tends to make me very vulnerable to things such as A Baby Story, Apollo 13, Nicholas Sparks novels, beautiful music, and watching the news. That last one being a doozy.

I remember my first understanding that the news wasn't just noise on in the background while my mom sipped her coffee in the morning and instead, gave us a window into the good and bad of the world. My parents did their best to shelter me from the bad as long as possible. I remember abruptly being herded into the bathroom when news footage was shown of a local politician who committed suicide in front of a crowded audience at a political event of some sort. My mom later explained that it happened so fast, her first thought was to kick me out of the room instead of turning off the TV! Either way, I knew I had missed something terrible, although I had no idea what.

I remember watching a DatelineNBC-type show maybe a year or so later. The story was about a child who had been beaten to death by her stepfather, and how a number of people and systems had failed her (the mother, also battered, who could not save her child, the teachers and neighbors who looked the other way, the child service workers who mishandled the reports they did manage to receive). I remember feeling increasingly hysterical as I watched this horrific story be told, and when the cameras showed a front step, piled high with stuffed animals, letters, and candles lit in this child's memory, I snapped. I remember asking my mother why people would leave these things- there was no longer a child to play with these gifts or finally read the messages of love in what I'm sure must have been a love-starved, painful life. I started shouting But why? Why give her bears when they couldn't even try to help her? I remember pacing between the living room and dining room, while my mother tried in vain to calm her highly emotional eldest daughter. I stood, hysterical, on one side of the dining room table while my mother stood on the other, screaming He was hurting her and nobody helped her! People pretended she was fine! They waited until she was dead to do anything for her! I had never heard of such a thing, I didn't know people did that to children.

So that high-stung, emotional kid grew up to be a high-strung, emotional adult who knows that bad things happen in the world. Columbine, 9/11, Virginia Tech, Hurricane Katrina- the events of the world unfolding on my TV screen. Even though I am better able to control my emotional outbursts, I still take the news pretty hard sometimes. Since yesterday, my eyes have been glued to the screen while my heart has been in Arizona, with the people hurt and killed in the shootings yesterday morning, again trying to understand why these things happen.

Of course now, it's not just why do these things happen or How are these people ever going to be okay again. Now, my own son plays innocently on the floor, the TV just noise in the background, blissfully unaware that there is anything awry in the world. All he's ever known is comfort, love. Will he have a moment like mine someday, where I will have to be the mother and calm my hysterical child who is leaning for the first time that terrible things happen in the world?

And what in the hell will I say to him?

"Friday night I crashed your party..."

2011-01-08T00:43:00.001-05:00

It's a chilly Friday here in our little corner of New Jersey! PJ is tucked into bed after a mellow, pajama-clad day inside with Mama. Mama and Dada are enjoying some down time before we follow our son's lead and head to bed ourselves. It's my favorite kind of time- peaceful, cozy, and quiet.

Actually, it's my second favorite time, because nothing beats when PJ, Pete and I are all together, laughing and playing!

At any rate, this first full week of the New Year has been one of minor victories and a few epic fails! My resolution list is still fighting for completion, but only a few items are making it so far! Thank goodness, one of the items getting by is my resolution to keep things neat around here, goddamnit! Every night, the dishes get done, the toys put away, the rooms straightened up. And it's wonderful. When I get up in the morning, my favorite coffee mug is clean. The paring knife I use to cut up fruit for PJ is not under a pile of dishes in the sink and his high chair doesn't have schmutz in it from his last meal! I know this is hardly a revelation for normal people but for a lifelong slob like me? It's a big deal!

Another big win this week has been getting PJ to nap in his crib instead of his swing. From 3-7 months, PJ just didn't nap. He would cat nap once or twice a day for about 20 minutes but otherwise? Nothing. It was crazy. Finally, right around 8 months, he suddenly fell into a nap pattern with a morning and afternoon nap. It was wonderful. But in our desperation to get him to nap, period, we tried the swing to see if it would lull him to sleep. It did, and we didn't mess with a winner! But, we felt like he's getting too big to nap for 2 hours in the swing. It can't be a good position for his back and neck. So on Monday, PJ was put down for a nap in his own bed. Amazingly, it was a pretty smooth transition! He plays for a big longer before going to sleep, but he's had a solid, 2-hour nap in his crib every day this week! Win!

Epic fail? Watching what I eat. While it hasn't been the usual shovel-it-in fest my snack routine can be, I still have had a lot of crap sneak into my diet this week. But, I am emboldened by my ability to keep things neat for an entire week, so the next step will be working an exercise routine into my schedule. I think the easiest thing would be to do a home workout after PJ goes to bed, but finding a workout that will jive with my living situation (ie., nothing too hoppy/jumpy/bangy). I will find something though! And if you read this, be sure to ask be about my progress a lot, and shame me harshly if I'm slacking!

For now, though, it's off to bed! Poor PJ just settled back into bed after a bout of restlessness (I think he's teething, poor little man) and I want to catch a snooze before he's up again!

Goodnight, loves!

"Don't ever look back, don't ever look back!"

2011-01-05T23:04:00.000-05:00

Hi! Remember me? I haven't been around because my ass has been in bed by 9:30pm the past two nights!

Seriously. A few nights of two-hour, middle-of-the-night parties with PJ had me completely exhausted! Thankfully, he has been sleeping very well the past two nights which allowed me to recharge a bit! For someone who usually gets to bed around midnight, the extra sleep was much needed!

Somehow, even in my sleep-deprived haze, I managed to learn a few lessons over the past few days! Amazing, right? But it happened.

The first is that I am trying to eat better. It's a change that I truly need to make. So, what do I have for dinner on Monday night? A burger with onion straws on it. Deeeeee-lish! The next morning? I had a terribly upset stomach and onion straw burps that were nauseating me! One lesson learned. I don't think I'll be junk food-ing for a bit. My belly still is not quite right!

Thank goodness for wonderful friends who send me text messages inviting PJ and I over for some lunch and fun, braving my onion burps and PJ's stinky dipes! There's nothing like the companionship of a good friend to help you feel like a normal person again! That and a nice steamy cup of Dunkin' Donuts coffee! Mmmm....

That night, I was still feeling the effects of my Burger Blunder and was ready to go to sleep! Even thought I was tempted to skip it, I made sure I straightened up the living room and bathroom. I have been making an effort to keep things neat around here and had a fairly good streak going, so onion nausea aside, I didn't want to slack off. After I finished the living room and bathroom, I headed for the kitchen, ready to do any dishes that were in the sink and straighten up any mess. When I got there, the most wonderful sight was before me...

Since I had also been making an effort to clean as the day goes along, There was no mess! Since we had eaten out (thanks to an Applebees gift card!) and I had cleaned up after PJ's lunch, I had a bright, shinny kitchen and I could head right to bed! It was like the angels sang!

Second lesson learned.

It's good for me to have tangible evidence of why I should stick to my resolutions! It all sounds good in theory, but when you see the rewards of sticking to them or the consequences of not, at least in my case, it really helps me adjust my actions!

More cleaning, less onion straw!

"So you had a bad day..."

2011-01-02T23:22:00.000-05:00

I have to admit, this was not a stellar day for me. (Plus, I truly loathe that stupid song!)

Thankfully, nothing truly terrible happened! It was just one of those days where none of the little things go your way and you just can't shake your funk. A wet, rainy day, errands to run, a darling husband who left your car window rolled down. All friggin' night. And into the next day which was, as I mentioned, rainy.

IlovemyhusbandIlovemyhusbandIlovemyhusband. Aaaaaand repeat...

PJ got so messy at lunch that he was beyond just a wipe of the face and needed a full on bath! I got him, clean, lotioned (he has terrible eczema on his legs so we really stay on top of skin care for him!) and dressed and what did that little ingrate do?

Grunt. Grunt!. {poop}

URRRRGHGHHTHHHH! He is soooooooooo lucky that I got distracted by the fact his poop made him crack up laughing! I got that cute little guy cleaned up (again) and down for a nap.

Lucky for us, we had an invite to have a New Year's dinner with family! And it was a typical gathering with loads of kids, tons of delicious food, lots of noise and much happiness! I feel very blessed to be able to be a part of such togetherness, especially for PJ!

Still, I was under a dark cloud today, and I'm hoping that tomorrow will find it gone! I hate feeling cranky, even if I happen to be really good at it! I'm such a bitch! :-)

This bitch has cleaned the kitchen folded laundry, and now I've blogged. My evening is complete and it's time for B-E-D!

GOOD NIGHT!

;-)

"You're good to grow..."

2011-01-01T21:39:00.000-05:00

One chair. One baby.

I had picked out this bouncy chair for PJ's nursery after a friend bought it for her son! It matched PJ's color and theme perfectly, so off I waddled to three different Target's before I finally found it! I was so excited for PJ to get here and use the little bouncy seat!

PJ- One week and a few days old!

There was many a cold, winter morning that I would rise early with PJ and it would be just the two of us- at the time, Pete hadn't found a nursing job yet and was working very, very late hours at Papa Johns to support our little family. I would let him sleep and bring PJ into our sunny living room. He would sit in the bouncy seat while I sipped my coffee and watched The Today Show. Later, when the cameras would pan the crowd outside, PJ would wave back to all of the people trying to get Matt Lauer's attention! But in those mornings when PJ was his newest, it would be Mama and Boy-Boy keeping quiet company.

It's a year later, but the mornings are just as cold and the coffee tastes just as good and PJ still waves back at the crowd outside the Today Show studio! Of course now, there's no chance of tucking PJ quietly into a bouncy seat! He's all over the place now, playing with toys, trying to steal whipped cream from my coffee mug, and wanting to blow raspberries on my cheek.

Not to mention the fact that I couldn't fit him into that seat even if he would sit still:

PJ- A year and a few weeks old!

Yup. That kid sure is "good to grow"! How much more growing will he do in 2011?

Can't wait to find out! :-)

I wish all of you, everyone I know and love, my friends and family, the most amazing, wonderful, and successful of New Years!

"The dusty road that's ahead will be my board and my bed..."

2010-12-31T23:38:00.000-05:00

There are only 45 minutes left in this year, 2010.

My sweet baby Boy, who has spent his first full year with us, is tucked into his bed after a fun (early) New Year's Eve celebration with his cousins!

It's been an amazing year- the best year of my life! Becoming a mother is the most wonderful, exciting, challenging journey I have ever been on, and I can't wait to see what the new year has in store for me!

I already know how lucky I am. I have a beautiful, funny, charismatic, sassy, healthy son. I have a husband who sees all my light and loves my dark, as our wedding song said. I have the most loyal, hilarious, sympathetic, wonderful friends in the world. I have a close, crazy, noisy, nurturing family. I wish all of them nothing but the best and most outstanding of New Years blessings!

For them, I want to be better. A better wife, a better Mama, a better human. I want to understand my worth and make sure all of the people I love know theirs. I want to set the best example possible for my son.

I somehow feel like I am about to start a road trip, and have miles and miles of winding, uncharted road ahead of me.

2011. Let's ride.

"Home, where my thought's escapin'..."

2010-12-30T22:38:00.000-05:00

Oh, my goodness! Not to state the obvious or anything, but it's friggin' cold out! PJ is in bed and I have been up and down trying to get some laundry done. I can't wait until the day comes when I don't have to go outside to get to the washer and dryer!

I finally got outside today after being inside for four straight days! Seriously. Four days. I did manage to have some people come here, so I wasn't completely shut off from society! But between the snow and that coming-down-from-Christmas exhaustion you can only know after a bog holiday has passed, I was more then content to just stay inside, snuggle PJ, chat with Pete, and do housework!

Oh, quit yer laughing! I did do housework! I have been kicking ass and taking names! Kitchen. Clean! Living room. Clean (cluttered with the spoils of PJ's birthday and Christmas, but clean!)! PJ's room. Clean! There's still a lot to be done, but I don't feel like the idea of a clean, orderly house is completely insurmountable! Amazing.

Either way, Pete and I are hoping that 2011 will be our last year of apartment dwelling! For one thing, I'm really just too bitchy to live in this close of a proximity to other people! ;-) Especially in an old house like this one, having three apartments is really like being roommates with the people in the building, and I'm just not good at it! Also, now that we have started a family of our own, and PJ is getting bigger, a two-bedroom apartment just doesn't have the room that we need. While I'll miss the location (we really do live in an awesome spot!) I am praying that the coming year opens a new chapter in our first home!

All we have to do is win the lottery.

"Just a day, just an ordinary day..."

2010-12-29T00:11:00.000-05:00

Hello, friends!

Thank you so much for your kind words on this post! Your encouragement really means a lot- I just hope I can live up to it!! My follow-through is not always so great. :-P

I hope all of you had a wonderful holiday! Our was full of food, family, and noise- as it should be! PJ still doesn't really get the whole "open presents" thing, but he is having a blast with his new toys! Mama got him some old-school, Steve (not Joe, ew..) Blues Clues episodes on DVD and he's loving it! Dada picked out a cool car toy that's almost as tall as he is! He watches the cars roll down the ramps and laughs his head off! Even better, PJ loved gifting his cousins! The kids did a pollyanna and it was hysterical to see how seriously they took choosing gifts for whichever cousin they drew!

Thanks to the snow, we have been able to come down from Christmas with a soft thud instead of the usual sharp plunge! Pete enjoyed four days off and we enjoyed having him home! The snow kept us all pretty much inside, lounging around. Today we finally got off of our bootys to do some much-needed cleaning and organizing- and to be truthful, it's only because we had my parents, sister, and her husband over for dinner tonight! Had we not had company, we might have continued our post holiday, sloth-like behavior!

Tomorrow, it's back to reality. Pete has to work tomorrow night so he will need to sleep for most of the day. I've been inside for three straight days, so I am considering venturing out! Either way, I hope it's a good day!

"That's what love is for..."

2010-12-27T22:56:00.000-05:00

Cousins. Christmas. Love.

Picture taken by Shelly

One moment. Two cameras.
Peter Joseph and Riley Michele.

Picture taken by Ann Marie

A patient, doting big cousin.

A happy little cousin, smooshie-faced with joy.

A Mama whose heart grew three sizes that day.

Hoping that the holiday was just as beautiful for you and yours!

"Come on, show 'em what you're worth..."

2010-12-22T00:03:00.000-05:00

This time of year always goes by in a crazy whirlwind for me! Everything is so busybusybusy that I don't have time to kind of sit back and realize that the year is coming to an end until it's suddenly New Year's Eve! Last year, we were half-crazed with happiness, Beginner Parent-ism, and lack of sleep thanks to a newborn Peter Joseph, Jr! This year, I think I'm feeling a bit more like a normal person!

Of course, the end of a year and the start of a new one brings about the inevitable practice of New Year's Resolutions. The thought of an entire, shinny new year stretching ahead of you seems like the perfect jumping off point to create a new you, one who cooks/cleans/doesn't bite her nails/is nice to her mother/stops bad habits/insert other neurotic quirk here ____________.

The combination of that and watching What Not To Wear too much has me thinking a lot about my presentation to the world. I've never been what one would call a fashion plate, and I can be lazy about General Upkeep-y things like plucking my eyebrows (which are horrible!). Still, I used to have some semblance of personal style- terrible or not,it was mine and something that I cultivated to make so.

Somewhere along the line, somewhere between the end of high school and now (which is a trillion years, I know, and gives kind of a wide berth to try and pin down a date) I lost whatever that was. I put on a ton of weight. Then took it off and put it back on as so many women are wont to do. I stopped working in an office and no longer had to dress in a professional manner every day, and things took a huge plunge! Jeans, sweatshirts, and Uggs became my uniform. I look at stylish women and want so much to have an effortless approach to style but lose the motivation to actually put in the effort to do so.

Then PJ came along, and any time invested in or concern about myself went right out the window. Jeans, sweatshirt, hair in need of a cut/color and overgrown eyebrows aside, I hold my son and I am enveloped in sunshine! He has become so bright to me that sometimes...okay. Pretty much ALL of time? He's all that I can see. And not only am I unable to see myself, I sometimes can't see my husband, the state of my kitchen, or anything else in the world. To me, PJ makes the world beautiful.

I think most of that is pretty typical new Mama stuff, although someone more practiced at taking care of herself might not let it slide so easily. Being dazzled by my child is hardly a brand-new emotion, and I also don't think it's something that would ever really change. My son is, by far, the best and most amazing thing I have ever done! Hopefully, Pete and I will be blessed with another child and then they both will be the pinnacle of my life's output!

Still, I don't think that I want to lose myself in that process. For one thing, it's not good for my marriage, and Pete already takes a backseat to our child. Again, parents always come second to their children, but my marriage to Pete being healthy, tended to, and fresh can only be positive for the growth of our child(ren).

Perhaps also, being healthy, tended to, and fresh myself can only be a good thing. I love being a mother, and it's the most important thing I have ever done or ever will do, hands down. Still, taking care of myself not only means that I can feel positive about my own self-worth, but it also means that I will be around- and the best version of myself- for PJ as long as possible.

Now, I have no earthly idea how I am going to go about all of this change, but I think the realization of its need is a step in the right direction. Hopefully, with a little imagination, motivation, love and support, I can make it happen.

I don't want to be overweight.

I don't want shrink into the background.

I want to participate in the things that make me, me.

I want to be a good wife, have a healthy marriage and make Pete know how important, how vital he is to me in more then just casual words.

I want to be the best mother possible.

I want to be the best me possible.

Now, if only I had a friggin' idea on how to make this happen!!!!!!

"Oh, the sweetest thing..."

2010-12-19T07:50:00.000-05:00

You may need to squint, because this much cuteness straight on could damage the eye.

Rad Bromance

"Well you know that it's going to be alright, when we go shopping..."

2010-12-18T00:32:00.000-05:00

Today. Was. Awesome!

I managed to get a ton of holiday shopping done, knocking out gift-getting for 11 people! It was a pretty diverse haul, so there was alot of running around to be done!

Of course, by running around, I mean from my seat in the kitchen, to my fridge, and back again, since I did all of my shopping online! Hee hee! PJ and I never even made it out of our pajamas today! Double awesome! There were tons of deals to be had and free shipping (in plenty of time for Christmas!) to take advantage of, so take advantage I did! I love buying presents but I hatehatehate the malls, shops, and roads this time of year! PJ is getting to that precarious age where he's primed to repeat anything I say, and if his first full sentence is something like

"Forthefriggin'loveofCHRISTwillyougetoutofmyGODDAMEDWAY!"

...Pete might divorce me.

Not too long ago, Christmas shopping was a pretty new experience for me! I am Jewish, so there was some shopping for the odd boyfriend every now and then, or gift exchanges with friends, but I had never been a part of full-blown, shopping-for-the-family, start-on-Black-Friday type of holiday madness! Since Pete and I started dating, to the point we are at right now, eight more children have been born (in the circle of kids who are PJ's first cousins or close enough) and many others have been added from the extended family! So thankfully, my shopping skills have grown with each new kid!

Now, after all of that hard work (ahem...) it's time for bed!

"Well, how was I to know there was a party going on?"

2010-12-16T20:51:00.001-05:00

Here we go!

All about PJ's 1st Birthday

Pajama Jammy Jam!

This past Saturday we had our big "Family and Friends" celebration of PJ's 1st Birthday! We are blessed to have a large number of both friends and family, so we were surrounded by love and sharing the joy of PJ's 1st year!

I had so much fun making the invites! Actually, okay, it got to be a huge pain, LOL! There were alot of them to go out and they each had lots of little pieces that needed to be put together! So it was a bit tedious, but totally worth it to have handmade invites that featured a paper-doll version of my cute blonde boy in footie pajamas! The insides instructed our guests to get out their favorite pajamas and be ready to bust a move!

Please note the baby
hiding his face!

And, you've figured it out, right? Pajama party? PJ's? The birthday boy is PJ? Ha! You know I have been planning that corny-ness pretty much from the second we found out it was a boy and we were naming him Peter Joseph! I had been dreaming about this party for months!! Mama, Dada, and Birthday Boy even wore ~~totally nerdy~~ super-cute matching pajamas!

Not the face of a happy Boy!

What I didn't count on? The birthday boy getting a yucky virus a few days before the party! He was fever-free the day of the party, but was still just so worn out and miserable! PJ, who is usually friendly, smiley, and silly, only wanted his Mama, and anyone who tried to get near him got a one-armed shove while he buried his face in my shoulder! It really was so sad for him! Thankfully, he's one, so it's not like he's going to remember! I'm just going to hide the pictures where he looks sad and tell him he had a blast! :-)

Even thought the poor Birthday Baby had a terrible time, the guests seemed to have a bast! There were many, many pajama-ed children flying about, dancing to the music (Teen Nick stars = Elton John for the born-in-the-2000's set!), wearing glow jewelry, blowing bubbles, and helping themselves to Froot Loops, Pop Tarts, Lucky Charms, and other yummy breakfast treats from the cereal bar! Between the cereal, the candy, the cake, and the soda, these kids were about 20 miles high on sugar! I am not 100% sure all of their parents are still talking to me! :-)

The grown-ups seemed to be content to sit at the blue, yellow, and white draped tables, chatting and perusing the photo albums filled with pictures of PJ that were out (self-indulgent much, Brie???). There was lots of yummy, comforty, good-to-eat-in-pajamas food like meatballs, baked ziti, and pizza! Pete and I had a ton of help with the food and we were so thankful for it!

My awesome sister Marla was nice enough to gift us with PJ's birthday cake (that we was too miserable to taste, poor baby!). The cake was amazing! Made by Sweet Treats by Jen, it was based on the invitations, and the attention to detail was so cool! The squares on the sides matched the pattern on the pajamas the paper-doll-PJ was wearing on the invite! A little Elmo- a PJ favorite- was clutched in the cake PJ's hand, and an open butt-flap revealed some PJ hiney!! The kids, for reasons still completely a mystery to me, kept fighting over who was going to get the slice with PJ's butt hanging out! And how cool is this- the cake is even on the Sweet Treats by Jen website! PJ's fondant butt-crack is famous!!!

Aside from all of that? The party pretty much looked like this:

...and this...

...and a lot like this...

"What's the matter, Mary Jane? Had a hard day?"

2010-12-12T23:13:00.000-05:00

Sooooooo tired!

I start alot of my blog entries like that, don't I? It's terrible- maybe this sweet girl can help me get inspired to move my keester (yeah, I said keester) a bit so I can start to have more energy!

Since I, as of right now, just don't have energy, I will have to blog more extensively about PJ's birthday party tomorrow! It will be chock-full of awesome details like:

a sick, clingy-to-his-mama birthday boy!
many, many children hopped up on sugar
lots of friends and family
many, many children hopped up on sugar!
tons of love and happiness
loads of dancing, playing and running around

and, of course

many, many children hopped up on sugar!

Despite alot of my ~~anal~~ carefully planned details all falling apart due to poor PJ not feeling well and being in my arms the whole time (and carrying 20+ lbs for three hours is hard- yet another good reason for me to get in shape!), it really was a good time and I can't wait to share it with everyone!

For now, it's time to tuck myself into bed and do some window shopping for family gifts in my iPod! I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend!!

PS- Ugh, did anyone else watch Sarah Palin's Alaska tonight and see the Kate + 8 folks? Kate and her whining made me want to club baby seals. Or see her be eaten by a baby seal. Whatever. We all know that I lovelovelove my garbage television shows, but really? I have had enough of that Whining Blonde Psycho and her pack of kids. There. I said it.

Now, and I mean it this time...goodnight, friends!

A Breezy Life...

"Look at this photograph..."

"It's such a funny thing how nothing's funny when it's you..."

"You know it's true that you are blessed and lucky..."

"It's like a work of art that never gets to see the light..."

"Ain't about what's waiting on the other side, it's the climb..."

"Hello, my friend. Hello."

(that rumble is Dr. Suess rolling in his grave...)

"In every heart there is a room..."

"In those silent, happy seconds that surround the sound of this event..."

"All down the line, we're gonna open up the throttle, yeah..."

"Don't think twice, it's alright..."

"...Amen."

"And it would knock me to the floor if I wasn't there already..."

"Help! I need somebody!"

"You've got this look I can't describe, you make me feel I'm alive..."

"Baby, you're a firework, c'mon let your colors burst..."

"If you're feeling certain feelings that just don't seem right, treat those pesky feelings like a reading light..."

"Just let me get my head right- where the hell am I?"

"What have you done for me lately?"

"I've gone to look for America..."

"It's you and me in the summetime..."

"It's all happening at the zoo..."

"Waves crash, baby don't look back..."

"Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead..."

"Oh, you gonna let it all hang out?"

"Now something on the surface it stings..."

"Sunny days, sweeping the clouds away..."

"...and it's our God-forsaken right to be loved, loved, loved, loved, loved..."

"My toes just touch the water..."

"We spotted the ocean..."

"But it was Saturday night, I guess that makes it alright..."

"There I go, tun the page..."

"There's a fire starting in my heart, reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark..."

"...and I'm like 'F**k you' and, uh, 'F**k her, too'..."

"So raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways..."

"You know you looking at a winner, winner, winner!"

"Your love is better then chocolate..."

"Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend..."

"Honesty is hardly ever heard..."

Topic: Fertility and Sex

Hosts:

Life With Levi

The Slacker Mom & Diary Of A Devil Dog Wife

This Week’s Guest Host:

A Breezy Life

Here's what you need to do:

Optional:

"And he's watching us all in the eye of the tiger..."

"That's just the way it is..."

"The sun will rise, the long day is over..."

"I'm gonna let him fly...."

"G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S..."

"So we're okay, we're fine..."

"It's the heart that really matters in the end..."

"Ticking away the moments..."

"This is what you need, I'll give you what you need..."

"If your time to you is worth saving..."

"AIDS, AIDS, AIDS! Everybody has AIDS!"

"These are the days when you wish your bed was already made..."

"Right now..."

"Getting to like you, getting to hope you like me..."

It’s Week 9 of the Breastfeeding Blog Hop

Tips For New Moms

Hosts:

Life With Levi

The Slacker Mom & Diary Of A Devil Dog Wife

This Week’s Guest Host:

A Breezy Life

Want to participate in this week's blog hop?

Here's what you need to do:

Optional:

"Looks like we made it..."

"Baby mine, don't you cry..."

"Even if I crash and burn ten times a day, I think I'm here to stay..."

"It's gonna be a good day, just wait and see..."

"Walk like a man..."

"I guess he’s an X-box and I’m more Atari..."

"Who needs sleep?"

"Just a little bit..."

"...and I'm like 'Fk you' and, uh, 'Fk her, too'..."